Well, I’m about a month shy of my 56th birthday and, as of today, I’ve officially met all the requirements needed to advance to my upper 50’s. I suppose from now until my birthday, I’ll just review and hone the skills I’ve acquired, so I’ll be ready to excel at the next level. I’ve never been one to finish things ahead of schedule, so this early benchmark completion has me feeling all accomplished. 

The whole thing apparently started today when I was getting ready to meet some friends for lunch. I had 20 minutes to get out the door. I have a lot of flaws, but tardiness is not usually one of them. I’d showered, dried my hair, started my makeup, and was deciding what to wear. You, girls, know the latter is the real time killer. I’d already put on and taken off about three outfits when I found a new pair of white pants hanging in my closet. The TJ Maxx find had been in there for a month or so awaiting the passage of Easter for their unveiling. Today was the day. I found the perfect top and shoes and starting pulling the many tags off of the pants. I got them on, changed out purses, and finished my hair and makeup with a few minutes to spare. 

I met up with my friends at one of our local restaurants. It was noon and the place was packed. We enjoyed our delicious food and good company and then I headed to purchase a wedding gift nearby. I decided I also needed to run to the grocery store for some milk and a couple of other things before I went home. I passed a mother and her young daughter on the cereal aisle where I had a weak moment and grabbed some fruity cereal- the good kind that doesn’t actually contain any fruit and scrapes the top of your mouth raw. I threw it in the buggy with swagger and looped around to the next aisle and that’s when it happened. The moment I successfully completed my graduation requirements. 

I heard the young woman I’d just passed call out, “Ma’am?……Excuse me, ma’am?” I turned around to see if she was talking to me and quickly decided that she was. “Yes?” I responded. She was coming at me fast and pointing at me- her 7 or 8 year old daughter in the background using a loaf of bread to hide her face. The lady kept coming but wouldn’t say anything. She was just approaching and pointing and I started getting really nervous. I was imagining all sorts of things. I’d sat in a puddle of brown gravy at the restaurant? I’d mistakenly put my underwear on outside my pants? I had a toilet paper streamer hanging out of my pants like a tiger tail? A bird had relieved itself in my hair? A pair of my Spanx had “static-clinged” itself to the back of my shirt from the dryer? What was it?!!!?

Finally, when she got close enough that she could whisper to minimize embarrassment, she said, “Ma’am, you still have the tags on the back of your pants. My daughter was the one who noticed and she didn’t want me to tell you, but I knew you’d want to know because I’d want to know.” I started feeling back there. First the right buttock, then the left. Ah, there it was. The tag on the left pocket reading- Sateen High Waist Ankle- See care label for full fiber content. I ripped it off with as much dignity as a woman who eats artificial fruity cereal could muster after having just traipsed through a busy restaurant, a gift shop, and a grocery store with tags on her left buttock. I thanked the little girl kindly for taking care of old people like me. She came out from behind her Wonder bread and smiled. In God’s mercy, at least, I’d not left on the sticker that I found when I got home in the stack of tags I’d successfully removed. It read- Touch Me- Feel Me- Wear Me - an invitation I’d not be interested in extending at the crowded restaurant, the gift shop, or the grocery store. I mean, the invitation to see my care label for full fiber content was quite enough.

So, with that- young children pointing, laughing, and whispering- the transition is now complete. Now I just wait for next month when it will be official and I receive the list of requirements for advancement to the next level. I can’t wait to get started working on those. Dress caught in the car door and flapping in the wind. Lipstick outside the lines. Starting conversations with how much a hamburger cost when I was young. Until then, I’ll bask in the glow of my early graduation and relish the last few weeks in my mid-50’s.  

Just a little update for all of you who’ve been so kind to pray- Everything looked just perfect on Blair’s transfer day last week according to the doctor. Now they just wait which is always the hardest part. Thank you, thank you, my friends. 

Hope you all have a great week!

JONI 

I guess you could say I took spring break off last week. Even though my kids are grown and it’s been a long time since spring break affected my life in any way- do we ever really outgrow feeling like we’re due one? Even as a woman in her soon-to-be upper 50’s, I enjoy the thought of having a week in which I can cancel all of my usual goings-on because- it’s spring break- somewhere. And that’s just what I did. 

Yes, it’s March and we moved the clocks forward and stumbled into church the next morning all bleary-eyed. Days are longer now. Baseball season is in full swing. Store shelves are stocked with jelly beans and chocolate bunnies. The insects have started to sing again. Trees are leafing out and a blanket of green is spreading across the brown earth.      

I know I'm in the minority here. No, I take that back- perhaps, I stand all alone here, but I'm not scared of y’all. You know this changing of seasons doesn’t stir the same level of excitement within me as it does for most. Sure, I'll admit these early spring days are enticing. Those mid-60's, low 70's days with their tweeting birds and budding flowers and blue skies- who can resist their charms? But, I know it’s just bait in the trap. Don't fall for it. It’s kind of like the sketchy man handing out candy from his blue van with no windows- the ones our mothers warned us about when we were little. Sure, the candy looks good, but the long, bony fingers of the southern heat will have you in its sizzling grip before you even know what happened. 

Y’all know my disdain for the hot weather is as old as I am. Even as a child, I dreaded to see the warm months approaching. My head would pound as I'd pedal through the neighborhood. I could feel my pulse in my eyeballs. Sitting on the white vinyl backseat of our Ford in shorts created a sort of thermal bond between the skin and the seat- an adhesion not easily reversed. There wasn't enough red Kool-aid on the block to quench the thirst of that kind of Mississippi heat. Even the water from the hose was hot. There was nowhere to escape it. If you went inside, you'd be told to vacuum or handed a can of Pledge, so you stuck it out on your scalding banana seat hoping to catch a hot breeze riding downhill. 

I know that most of you feel quite the opposite. Yeah, I see your endless postings of beach chairs, flip flops, and blue water. You can’t wait to jump into the seductive arms of warmer weather. I heard those derogatory comments about winter as it walked out the door. You're so tired of dreary, cold days. You're ready to move past sweaters and boots and umbrellas. I can understand that. My vitamin D is low and my legs are the color of sour cream, so I’m not completely unsympathetic to your weakness. I can see how you could be seduced by the mild warmth of spring, but let's review our glossary of warm weather terms that, perhaps, you’ve forgotten over the long winter. 

1)MOSQUITOS- large, birdlike, blood-sucking insects, known to grow as big as seagulls in the South, who travel in swarms and whose life's work it is to torment each person who enters their domain, the outdoors, and suck blood from multiple injection sites and leave behind itching bumps the size of shooter marbles that will cause the victim (usually female) to want to scratch all the way down to the bone. 

2)WASPS- a stinging insect who offers nothing good to the world. Nothing. They are flying servants of Satan who are only drawn out of their hiding by the sinister heat. See also FLIES, FLEAS, GNATS, TICKS, HORNETS, AND FIREANTS.     

3)SNAKES- the most feared of all animals which wake from their winter slumber and dare you to step on them and, even if you don't, they'll claim you did. Be careful in believing the lie that snakes are more afraid of you than you are of them. Some man made that up so you would help him with the yard work. Of all the animals, the Devil chose to appear as the snake. The prosecution rests its case. 

4)SUNBURN- a costly mistake that causes its victim to experience the paradox of a throbbing, burning, and relentless chills all at once and, when finally healed, causes skin to fall away from the body in most unattractive patterns as a molting snake. See also HEAT RASH, SUN POISONING, SUNSPOTS, SKIN CANCER, AGING, AND RAZOR BUMPS.  

5)HUMIDITY- a condition of moisture in the air causing heat to feel 100 times heavier and more oppressive than its usual measure of misery thus making it difficult for adequate respiration and will to live to continue. 

6)SWEAT- moisture released from the body in extreme heat, rolling down faces, backs, necks, hair, bends of elbows, backs of knees, and anywhere else it darn well pleases. It is also noted as the most overused and exaggerated bodily function in movies set in the South. See also DEHYDRATION.    

7)POLLEN- the yellow poison of suffering causing its victims a wide array of symptoms such as itching, sneezing, watering eyes, sore throat, and longing for the sweet release of death.

8)POISON OAK- a flesh eating plant which spreads its rot by oozing and irresistible itching. It begs to be scratched and then laughs as you propagate its poison. 

9)GRASS MOWING- a chore required every six days from President’s Day until Thanksgiving in the South. Failure to complete the task on time can bring about judgment in the neighborhood. 

10)HEAT INDEX- how hot the air actually feels, which is calculated by taking the current temp, multiplying it by 3, and adding 20 additional degrees if your state borders the Gulf. 

11)WHITE LEGS DILEMA-  what to do with all the exposed whiteness to reduce its offensiveness to others- short of appearing orange or acquiring skin cancer.  

12)LONG DAYS- the seemingly incessant daylight, which causes its victims to ask, "Is it still today?" around 7:00 pm each evening when the sun is still riding high.  

13)UNRELENTING SUN- that blazing ball of fire located just 2 miles from Earth during the summer months and recedes each day at the aforementioned pace slower than molasses.

14)TORNADO WARNINGS also known as Tuesdays and Thursdays and every other Saturday in the South. 

15)SHAVING- an optional winter activity, which becomes non-negotiable in the hotter months, necessitated by shorter and less concealing clothing.

So, yeah, spring is here. Y'all enjoy its doting courtship. Right now, it’s bringing you flowers. Taking you on beautiful afternoon strolls. Fanning you softly with its palm branches. Feeding you its juicy fruits. Whispering its promises to always stay gentle and kind in your ear. This is how it starts. Just don't believe the smooth talk. When it has you in its grip, you’ll start to see a difference. Turning up its heat. Making you hot under the collar. Burning you with its indifference. Ignoring your pleas for mercy. Making you a hot mess. 

Don’t say you weren’t warned. 

JONI 

Update on Blair and John Samuel- I can’t tell you how much it means to us to have so many of you reach out to say you’re praying for their upcoming procedure. With everything that’s going on in your own lives, the fact that you would take time to pray for (in most cases) a couple you’ve never met, well, that touches this mother way down deep in my heart where only the dearest things are kept and pondered. The way to a mother’s heart is always through loving her child. Thank you and please continue praying. 

Last week, their clinic was back up and running. Blair had her appointment on Friday, so she could be cleared to start the medications and process and she passed all of her tests with flying colors. She’s still scheduled for April 2 and anything past that will be news they’ll share in their timing. I’ve tried to relay every prayer and story of yours to them and they’re humbled by your kindness and love toward them. We appreciate you even more than you can imagine. 

I went on a shopping trip with a friend on Monday. In between our eating, we bounced around several places but eventually landed at Home Goods because what woman doesn’t love that? We both had gift cards which made it even better. She had a list of things she was looking for and I had my own. We hit all the departments. The rugs, throw pillows, bedding, kitchen, and, yes, we couldn’t leave until we visited the dog section. I thought I’d take something home to Ruby to lift her spirits. She still seems pretty depressed from losing her buddy. I guess Otis was the life of the party for all of us. 

I breezed through the well-stocked aisle and skipped right over the stuffed fire hydrants, squeaky squirrels, and rubber balls, because Ruby just isn’t into toys anymore. In fact, I gave Otis’s little basket of loved toys to a friend with adopted pets, because Ruby wasn’t interested. No, at age 42, she has put away childish things and only has eyes for a bone or antler or anything suitable for eating or chewing. Well, I found a big antler that I thought would help her feelings as she adjusts to being an only dog again and I couldn’t wait to give it to my girl. 

The next day, I dug the antler out of my shopping bags and called for Ruby. She saw what I had and her tail went crazy. While she whined impatiently, I worked to get all of the tags off and held it out to her. Her eager jaws clamped down with a lot of enthusiasm and she went straight to the door wanting to go outside. It was a beautiful day and Ruby is a sucker for soaking in the sun. Like her human mother in her younger days, she can sunbathe for hours on end. I was happy that she’d get to enjoy lots of gnawing and chewing while basking in the spring weather. Two of her very favorite things would surely be good for her spirits. 

Davis was out working in the yard and he came in to tell me Ruby had buried the antler in the flower bed by the mailbox where he was working, but then she moved it- likely for fear that Davis knew too much and would try to chow down on it when she wasn’t looking. He watched her dig it up and carry it up the hill by the house. Dirt flew as she worked on another hole and carefully maneuvered the freshly-laid pine straw to hide the treasure’s location. When the burial was complete, then she plopped down on the front steps to enjoy the sun. Ruby knew one thing for sure- none of her neighborhood friends, Ted, Izzy, Zeus, or Bentley, would find her valuable and take any pleasure in it. But, neither would she, apparently. 

That was two days ago and, as I type, the $9.99 antler is still buried under dirt and pine straw in our flower bed.  She’s been out multiple times to enjoy the spring weather and hasn’t gone back to retrieve that thing she loves yet. Not what I had planned for my ten buck investment. I might as well have buried an Alexander Hamilton next to our Loropetalum bushes and saved us all the time and effort. It’s not doing her any good planted in the flower bed and it’s not doing me any good to see my money sown into the soil. 

Watching my crazy dog burying my $10 investment, that same afternoon, had me thinking about all the ways I’m like her. How many times have I buried something I’ve been given under the soil of selfishness or entitlement…..or timidity, feelings of insufficiency, self-consciousness, comparison, fear of failure? Each day, we’re given so much. A platform to speak the truth. A nudge to help. A testimony to share. A way to use a talent. An opportunity to speak encouragement. A chance to share our time, our story. A place to use our spiritual gifts, our resources. When we seize the opportunities given specifically to us, it not only blesses others, but it gives us so much joy in knowing we were created uniquely and intentionally- customized to fulfill our specific purpose and place in God’s plan. He’s invested so much in us and He expects us to use those things for His purposes and at His urging. Some days, I do ok with that and, other days, I bury the whole thing in the dirt and walk away. Wasting the unique opportunity. Wasting the investment. Jesus told a parable about that, so it must be pretty important to get it right. One day, I’ll have to answer for the times inaction won out. 

Tomorrow’s a new day with new opportunities. 

Reminder to self- stay out of the dirt. 

Y’all have a great weekend! 

JONI 

Well, I thought you’d like to hear about our anniversary trip. I bet you assumed I’d be armed with pictures of the sunlight beaming down on wooded trails and group selfies in front of waterfalls. Normally, I would, but this trip, such as it was, is worthy of mention in the annals of vacation disasters. The Clark Griswold vacation package. If nothing else, writing about it will be good therapy for me- which is what Motherhood and Muffin Tops has really been about for the entire month of February, it seems. Can we please just turn the calendar page over already? 

Davis, Ruby, and I left on Wednesday headed to Chattanooga armed with our VRBO reservation confirmation. The kids would be leaving on Thursday to come and join us for a long weekend of enjoying the outdoors with our dogs. It was anticipated to be an emotional reset as well as our anniversary celebration. We’d secured a large, pet-friendly house with 4 bedrooms near the river walk and were excited to spend a few days away with our kids. 

This wasn’t our first rodeo. Through the years, we’ve rented most of our vacation housing through VRBO and have never had anything but wonderful experiences. Communication with the owners is always different. It’s just according to how each one prefers to handle their business. Each owner we’ve dealt with has had their own level of personal correspondence with us, so I didn’t think much about the fact that we hadn’t heard anything from this owner since confirmation in January. Sometimes, we’ve gotten an email the day before our trip wishing us safe travels and a heads up that access information would be sent the next day. I just assumed this renter wasn’t into all that fluff and I was confident we’d receive the access information after the cleaning service finished on check-in day, which is usually when we get door codes or lock box instructions. 

About 3 hours before check-in, I started getting a little nervous. We were halfway to Chattanooga and still no word. I used the messaging system on the VRBO website to reach out for the information we’d need to get into the property. I sent another one, a while later. And another one. No response. I thought maybe they just weren’t checking their inbox and I’d try calling the owner’s phone. By now, we were less than an hour away. No answer. It was time to get VRBO involved. 

So, I started with the live chat option. I initiated a chat and Princess responded. I typed out my issue to her. She quickly replied that she would try to contact the owners using the numbers she had on file and asked me to hold. Princess was gone for a while and finally came back and said she couldn’t reach the homeowners either, but she would continue to try. It was now check-in time and no one could reach them. Princess realized we had a situation on our hands that required more assistance than she could offer. She sent me over to chat with Cardina. Cardina quickly tossed me like a hot potato and gave me a phone number to call with my problem. But, before I made the call, we drove by the property to see what we could see. There sat a vehicle with a Kentucky license plate in the driveway. We started suspecting they’d double-booked and were intentionally avoiding us when they realized it. 

Ruby was in the backseat needing a bathroom break and a walk, so we drove to a nearby Wendy’s to let her use their facilities- aka the grass surrounding their parking lot. While they’re walking around the parking lot, I placed my first call to the number given to me. Mohamed answered. I could tell right away Mohamed and I weren’t from the same neck of the woods. We weren't even from the same woods and I found myself saying, “Pardon?” Repeatedly. “May I have your name and email address? Ok, the property you are calling about is in Chattanooga, USA? Could you tell me the issue I can help you with today?” I explained my problem from the beginning. After 13 minutes, Mohamed saw that we were having trouble communicating and said he would transfer me to another agent who could help me with this problem. 

I was connected to Christina. I could tell that Christina was also not from these parts as she sounded French or something. We were getting closer though. In her heavy accent, she said, “May I have your name and email address? Ok, I see here you are set to check into a property in Chattanooga in the United States. And what is the issue you are having today, Joni?” At this point, I calmly and thoroughly started over at the beginning and explained what had happened to this point. In her broken English, Christina acknowledged this was a frustrating situation and that she would help me find a solution. She began talking about finding somewhere else for us to go for the night courtesy of VRBO and we started discussing dog-friendly hotels. They offered us two free nights. I explained that a hotel was a good solution for one night, but we had 4 more adults and 2 more dogs joining us the next day and a hotel wouldn’t be a good option after that. We were making real headway- even with her Frenchy English and my Mississippi English- we were gaining ground. “Please, hold on the line while I check on some hotels for you.” I hold while the most unsettling music blares in my ear. No matter who I’d talked to, they all had the same stress-spiking tune for my listening pleasure. It was like someone was playing mariachi on a synthesizer in double time. Not what I would’ve chosen for the waiting music for people experiencing problems. Suddenly, the music stopped. I heard a click and then silence. We’d been disconnected…..or, at least, I like to think so and she didn’t just hang up on me. I waited for her to call back but she only sent an email telling me her call back wouldn’t go through. After 29 minutes of talking with Christina and finally getting somewhere, I’d have to start again. 

I called the number. “This is Juan, how can I help you?”  I thought- Juan- ok this is a continent I’ve not talked to yet. I explained that Christina was helping me and we got disconnected. Juan informed me that there was no way I could be reconnected with Christina. I thought surely Christina’s notes will be in the system- I mean- don’t you, people, have a way of exchanging information with each other? That’s when he said, “May I have your email address? Can you confirm your name? Is the property in Chattanooga, United States? By now, I was getting a real international assortment of Chattanooga pronunciations and, so far, they were all incorrect. “Could you describe the problem you are having?” I realize I have to start at the very beginning. All the way through it again. Like I’d never spoken to anyone in the entire company until Juan. My patience had worn thin at this point and I probably spoke to Juan in a harsher manner than my southern upbringing would usually allow, but the sun was starting to set in the west, Ruby had commenced whining for her supper, and we had nowhere to put our heads. I do appreciate Juan’s quick surrender. No need to delay the inevitable. In just 19 minutes, Juan decided he needed to give me another number to call. 

Nicholas answered next. I heard his name and got excited that maybe we, at least, lived on the same continent, but I’m not sure VRBO has any customer representatives that reside in North America. Soon it became clear that we, indeed, did not live in the same geographical region, but we were communicating pretty well. I told Nicholas that I had live-chatted with Princess who bounced me over to Cardina who told me to call Mohamed who switched me over to Christina who dropped the call and sent me to Juan who had handed me over to him.“Could I have your name and email address, please? The property is in Chattanooga, USA?” Oh, geez. After 1 hour and 36 minutes of being on the line with Nicholas, he finally secured a downtown hotel room for Davis, Ruby, and me and we headed in that direction in the darkness that had set in over Chattanooga, USA as they call it. Nicholas seemed more like St. Nicholas at that moment. We would not be sleeping in the car and that was the bright side. 

This story has many layers- not unlike an onion. Also likened to an onion in that parts of it brought me to tears, so I’ll understand if you lose interest before we go down any deeper and you decide to vacuum or clip your toenails instead. For those who may be using this to combat insomnia or strengthen their attention span, here goes the rest. 

So, VRBO put us up in a huge hotel room downtown. They asked us at the front desk if we’d like a ping pong table in our room. There went that word again, “Pardon?” We didn’t realize it was an industrial loft and approximately 1,800 square feet with 2 bathrooms. The only problem was that it was in the very center of downtown. Ruby’s options for the bathroom were a couple of 3x5’ green spaces in the sidewalk around the hotel. Ruby is from the country and she sniffed those 15 square foot options and found not one of them to be an acceptable place to conduct business. Apparently, they didn’t smell just right. The elevator ride down, the cars whizzing by, the police sirens- they only added to her performance anxiety. Davis would take her down to try every hour but she wasn’t having any part of it. Country dog had come to town and it wasn’t suiting her. 

Nope, not going there or there…. or there. I’ll just wait ‘til we get home. 

Before we went to bed, I sent out a group text to Blair, John Samuel, Carson, and his girlfriend, Anna Kathryn. It just explained what had happened and that we’d be finding another home to rent and would send the new address as soon as we could. I’d asked Juan in our 13 minutes conversation if we could go ahead and make a reservation for another property, because we had people joining us and didn’t feel comfortable not having one secured. He strongly advised me not to do that because VRBO gives the owner 24 hours to respond before cancelling the agreement and I’d be on the hook for both. They said we could make a reservation the next morning after the cancellation had been approved. This could have been part of the reason I spoke more harshly to poor Juan. “Oh, it will be approved, Juan,” I assured him. 

So, on Thursday morning, we woke up ready to make our plan B. While Davis was taking Ruby down to the street- practically begging her to relieve herself at this point- I grabbed my phone to find a rental. That’s when I saw we had no cell service. Our phones were on SOS mode. We tried communicating with the kids using wi-fi but only Anna Kathryn replied. Blair and John Samuel were already on their way so they couldn’t receive texts unless they stopped for a wi-fi signal. The news was talking about a widespread event and we didn’t know if it would last 2 hours or 2 weeks. It was check out time. Ruby had been holding it since Wendy’s- a bathroom strike of sorts. We were about to leave any cell service we had behind at checkout. VRBO hadn’t confirmed our cancellation. We had no new reservation. GPS was down without wi-fi and complicated finding things. Four kids were coming our way in three cars at different times and only one had cell service. We surrendered. Tapped out. Waved the white flag. We sent out another text telling the kids not to come to Chattanooga, USA but they were welcome to meet us at our house and we’d treat them to a fun weekend. We could only hope they’d get the word when they stopped for lunch or gas. 

Last layer. We got out of the city and stopped at a McDonald’s in a more sedate suburb. We hoped Ruby could finally let go and let it all out while we checked our messages in the parking lot using their signal. Ruby found their grounds to be more to her satisfaction and, after 15 hours of holding it, she relieved herself for quite a long while. (It’s obvious she never had puppies.) It was at McDonald’s that we got the message from Blair and John Samuel that they were turning around and going home. They’d just gotten an email from their Alabama fertility clinic saying they were suspending their operations until further notice as a result of the recent court ruling that has been widely publicized. You can read about that if you haven’t heard. Just the day before, they’d been told everything was still operating as usual, but things were changing by the hour. Two hours into their trip with no phone service, they decided they had to turn around and go to the clinic in person to see what was happening. With so much invested, they had to do that for their peace of mind. They were tapping out of our fabulous, fun, family fiasco. 

So you’ll know how to continue your prayers for them, they were able to get a face to face appointment with the office staff on Friday. As of now, only the February and March transplants are cancelled. No clinic wants the liability that could come with this ruling. They were told that they expect this to be resolved quickly as Governor Kay Ivey is working to help find a quick solution for IVF patients. The irony is that the ruling is hurting those who want absolutely nothing more than to give those little embryos life. Those who’ve given unbelievable sums of money, sacrificed emotionally, and suffered physically- just for a chance to celebrate the birth of a child. As of now, their appointment to transfer their one little miracle embryo is still April 2. Pray there is some kind of solution that is life-honoring and doesn’t take away these pro-life patients’ chances to have their own babies. Everyone involved seems hopeful. 

So, 18 hours after we arrived in Chattanooga, we were leaving it. It seems like we spent half of those 18 hours in the Wendy’s parking lot and Ruby held it for 15 of them. We received a full refund from VRBO and the property owner has been removed from their service. As we drove off with Chattanooga in the rear view, Ruby looked up toward the front of the car like- I thought I remembered vacations being more fun. You, people, have lost your touch. Don’t do me any more favors by bringing me along. 

So, with Blair and John Samuel eliminated from the survival challenge, Carson and Anna Kathryn let us know that they were still in the game. They met us at our house in time for dinner and we started planning some things we could do around town on our staycation. We did some fine dining. Showed Anna Kathryn a few sights around town. Visited the rooftop of a local hotel. Toured a guitar exhibit at our local Mississippi Arts and Entertainment Museum. Watched Bulldog baseball. Ate at our favorite Italian restaurant. Worked on Otis’s grave and put out his marker that arrived. We went to our land in the country, rode the ATV, and cooked dinner over a fire. Church and lunch with a family friend. It wasn’t anything like what we had planned, but it was a beautiful weekend and so fun to have a 3 day double date with Carson and Anna Kathryn. 

Y’all have a great week! Let me know if I can help you with your travel plans. 

JONI 

February continues as the month of anniversaries. This week, Davis and I will celebrate our 32nd wedding anniversary. Thirty-three years ago, we went out on our first date on Valentine’s Day. Thirty-two years ago from this Thursday, guests arrived at our 2:00 wedding at the church I’d gone to all of my life. The 55 year old me now realizes a 2:00 wedding messes up the whole day for everybody, so that’s on me if you were there. The piano and organ were playing wedding numbers like “Clair de Lune” and Piano Sonata No. 8 in C Minor- the classics by all the greats. The male guests donned their suits, ties, and tasseled loafers while the women had wrangled themselves into pantyhose, high heels, and wide belts that were cinched around their waists. I’d even venture to say there’d been some beauty shop appointments on the previous day. Banked by our closest friends and beautiful flowers, Davis and I promised to stick it out through thick and thin in front of God and the crowd gathered there. There were teary mothers with big corsages and daddies dressed in uncomfortably tight collars and shiny shoes. At 105 pounds soaking wet, I’d selected a form fitting satin number with lots of beadwork, a bow just above my rear, and a detachable train. Davis sported his traditional black tux and his large round glasses were at the height of eyewear fashion of the time. The minister recited the love chapter. Someone sang “The Lord’s Prayer.” We kissed and were introduced. Everyone clapped and we walked out of there. 

In the 90’s, where else would you have your reception besides downstairs in the fellowship hall? Finger foods of every description and layers of cake awaited the mid-afternoon crowd- hungry after an afternoon of nuptial spectating. Gallons of chilled punch were sitting on ready with an ice ring of some description floating at the top of the silver bowl. Guests juggled plates and cups while nibbling, sipping, and working the room- one of those skills learned from years of Baptist fellowship hall experience. The piano player had shifted to lighter, livelier tunes to set the tone for the reception. Gifts accumulated on a table in the corner- most likely Lenox Solitaire china, cobalt blue Fiestaware, and jewel tone towels- all so 90’s. We all moved outside, after a while, where we threw the bouquet and garter into the air for our friends to fight over, ran through a hailstorm of rice, and loaded into a white limo to head out to our new life together. 

The wedding is the easiest part of getting married and then you have to go home and try to figure out how to come together on thermostat settings, mattress firmness, dishwasher-loading techniques, and toilet seat etiquette. Not to mention who sleeps on which side of the bed, where you’ll spend holidays, and what to name the children. Add in the expectations we all bring from our growing-up home life experiences plus all those things you had no idea about like how terribly loud he breathes when he sleeps and you’ve got a lot to hammer out between you. That two becoming one thing can be a booger when very different people are trying to figure out how to merge. 

Marriage also goes through different seasons. There were those newlywed years when we spoiled each other. With just the two of us to consider, we exchanged extravagant gifts at Christmas, traveled, and enjoyed a lot of time together. The kids came and I stayed home with them, so we trimmed all the fat off the budget and made it work. With two children, we’d pass each other coming and going as they kept us busy….not to mention working to pay for the expensive creatures that they are. Now we’re back to where we started 32 years ago- just Davis and me. It took a couple of mournful weeks for me to adjust to not having any children at home, but soon we nestled down into the soft feathers they’d left behind and took to the empty nest quite nicely. It may be one of my favorite seasons so far- but don’t tell our kids. It would hurt their feelings. I guess we just sit and wait for the next season now. The one where the kids take our keys, clean out our house, and move us into a facility, where I’ll go to crafts class and Davis will sit in the game room and watch sports with the only other man resident in the building. I can see where that could be fun, too. 

In looking back over the last 32 years, I’ve made some choices I’m quite sure weren’t the best. My bridesmaid dresses. Blair’s clown themed nursery. Maternity overalls. The wedge haircut. Agreeing to an in-home vacuum demonstration. One thing’s for certain though- Davis Miller will always be one of my finest choices. I’m not sure what I would do without him. I’m not even sure what I would’ve done the last two weeks without him. He is the love chapter and I’m thankful God gave him to me. 

We’re heading out tomorrow for a few days in Chattanooga. The kids will join us there on Thursday for a long weekend. We were planning to go out West, but the timing just wasn’t right with Blair’s upcoming embryo transfer on April 2. We all felt the loss of Otis and we all look forward nervously but with hopeful anticipation to April 2. On this anniversary, it just felt right that we should all be together. 

Hope you have a great day! See you next week. 

JONI 

First, thank you for all your sweet words. When our hearts are sad, there is no substitution for the comfort of friends. This week marks 10 years of being friends with you through this blog and we’ve experienced a lot of things in those years. Graduations, grief, a wedding, national tragedies, personal losses, celebrations, an empty nest, milestone birthdays, surgeries, retirements, a pandemic, election seasons, menopause. Even a casting call from Naked and Afraid. For every one of us, life weaves triumph, pain, loss, exhilaration, sorrow, joy- all together in our summation of days. We couldn’t bear the sorrow without the hope of joy returning and we wouldn’t appreciate the joy without feeling the occasional sting of sorrow. Matters of love, loss, change- they’re pretty universal and, thankfully, we can relate and share those experiences together. I’ve so enjoyed doing that with you for a decade. 

As I always do, I was reading the comments on Otis’s post and one, in particular, stopped me in my tracks. So much so that I’m writing a whole post around it. LeighAnn, a reader who I don’t know personally, wanted me to know that she was having trouble sleeping last Monday night. As is her custom when she can’t sleep, she uses that time to pray for her children and family. LeighAnn said, as she was praying for them, she felt a nudge to pray for me, a lady she’d never met. Although she felt like she knew me through the blog, she had no idea why she was being moved to randomly pray for me, but she did and she’ll never fully realize what that meant to me. That she would take time to pray for a stranger for an undisclosed reason.

The flip side of that is, in the middle of the night on Monday, while I was fast asleep and blissfully unaware- the God of heaven and earth was looking ahead to what little me would experience within just a couple of days and considered my upcoming heartache to be significant enough that He paused to ask one of His children to pray for me. Even with wars and sickness and death and chaos of every kind going on in the world, He took a moment to lead His child to pray for me because I was going to lose a dog I loved. Imagine that. Something very small in comparison to so many other things. He knew I would need certain things in extra measure from Him. Things I had no idea I’d need. LeighAnn did her part and God did His and I’m so thankful she relayed the story to me. It completely humbled me. 

The various pains I carry around in my heart are different from the ones you bear. Some of our struggles are big and public and make their way onto prayer lists or even newspapers, but most are the ones we carry quietly and try to come to grips with on our own through prayer. If I asked us all to list the things that are weighing on our hearts in the comment section, our lists would all be unique and far-reaching. We might read them all and be tempted to subconsciously rank them in order of severity and significance, but God doesn’t do that. All He knows is, if one of His children is hurting in their heart, He will do whatever He has to do- no matter the time of day or night- to help that child bear the pain. In matters big or small. 

I couldn’t wrap up today without an attempt at an Otis analogy. One of his many quirks was he wanted to go in and out all day long. He’d see his doodle friends from the window and bark to go out and I’d open the door to let him go play. In the middle of playing, he’d stop dead still, cold turkey and run to the door wanting back inside. He didn’t need anything. He just wanted to come back in for a short roll call to make sure I was still here. After taking attendance, he’d be ready to head back out for some more. This happened all day long. In and out. In and out. It didn’t take a genius to figure out why he was obsessive with the routine checks. At some point, someone had left him behind as they drove off. He’d been abandoned and, even though he knew he was loved here, he carried that scar around with him. The fear that it might happen again. So, he’d never allow himself too much time to lie in the sun, run with other dogs, or chase squirrels before he’d have to head back in to settle in his mind that his person was still here. Once he had his confirmation, off he’d go again. 

We all have hurt we bear. Maybe from bad experiences, trauma, rejection, unfulfilled longings, loss, fear, betrayal. Life has a million different ways it can leave us scarred and hurting. There are times we might find ourselves like my rescued dog- frantically searching for evidence that God, our Father, is still there. Needing reassurance that He hasn’t left us. Let me assure you, not only is He there, but as I’ve been reminded- He is working day and night on our behalf. If a dog’s death reminded me of anything, it is that most basic truth. He is for us. He is good. He is faithful. Even in those things that seem so small up next to the big things. If it hurts your heart, He cares. Enough to make provisions for you and weave ribbons of mercy into your situation to make it easier to bear. 

Thank you for giving me the honor of reading my blog for 10 years. I wish we could all get together somewhere to celebrate over a big sheet cake, maybe some pineapple-ginger ale punch, and karaoke. You are a blessing to my life. We will laugh again soon. 

Much love, 

JONI 

“I thank my God every time I remember you.” Philippians 1:3

Otis and I walked in the vet’s office on Monday for his (almost) one year visit. It had been 11 months, 2 weeks, and 4 days since he came to live with us. We checked in at the desk and sat down in the waiting room. Otis’s legs were shaking and he was nervously pacing, but he wasn’t so nervous that he couldn’t do periodic squirrel checks from the glass door. Otis likes the familiar. The routine. The usual. He’s a man who prefers to stay within the chalk lines of ordinary, standard, and regimented. Vet visits aren’t something we do frequently enough to qualify for that list. 

A young lady came in after we were seated. It was obvious she’d been crying. She told the receptionist she was there to sit with her dog. When she said his name, her voice cracked and the silent crying started. The kind that wants to come out in wails, but just releases itself in shaking instead. I wasn’t sure of the circumstances, but I thought it was likely an end of life situation. I wanted to hug her. I recognized that hurt on her face. I remembered that grief. I looked over at Otis and thought how much joy he’d brought me. So much laughter and so much love. But, I knew when I took him as my own, there would be another day in the future when I would be heartbroken over him. It was a stipulation I’d agreed to on the front end- just like the poor girl at the counter. It was then I remember thinking- well, at least, he’s young and I won’t have to worry about that for a long, long time. 

You know the story. Otis and I first crossed paths as I was driving home, one October night in 2022. He walked across the road in front of my car- obviously lost and out of place- and, from that point, I was never able to get him off of my mind. On February 17, 2023, he was finally captured and he came to live with us when he was released from the vet on the 18th. The 18th of this month was going to be a BIG day at the Miller house. There would be a pup cup- maybe a McDonald’s cheeseburger. A trip to the country to chase squirrels. All the things Otis loved to do to celebrate a year with him. Instead, I’m sitting here doing what I do when I lose something precious. I’m trying to process my grief through writing, because I lost my good boy yesterday. He went outside to play with several neighborhood dogs in our yard and was hit by someone who sped off. He died in my arms on the way to the vet. Two days after I’d empathized with the young lady at the counter, we were walking through the same doors with his lifeless body. 

Otis’s life story was a mystery. We’re not sure how he ended up on the streets. He had so many little quirks. We’re not sure if he was dumped on the streets because he had so many quirks or if he had so many quirks because he was dumped on the streets. There were a couple of months devoted to just forming a bond with him so he wouldn’t run off and that required that he and I be attached by a leash at all times. To say we bonded would be the understatement of all of history. We tried the underground fence after bonding. We moved flags and rearranged flags and moved flags again, but a man’s man like Otis wouldn’t be reined in by a few flags and electricity. For the first few months, it seemed like we’d solve one problem and another would be created. We spent approximately a quarter of a million dollars and 5,421 manpower hours trying to find the right solutions for him. We were always looking for a balance between keeping him safe and letting him be happy being the kind of high-energy hunting dog he was- we decided life behind a fence would be misery for him. 

After a couple of months of domestication training, he worked his way from the yard/garage into our house with the only casualties being a few throw pillows, some socks, 3 dog beds, a Christmas gift- well, you get the idea. Eventually, he learned the rules of the house and abided by them most of the time. But, in his heart, Otis was a man of the great outdoors, so his bed was next to the glass backdoor where he could be apprised of any and all movement of any kind. A squirrel, a cat, a leaf, a piece of paper, another dog- all would call for his immediate action as he would start singing verses of his hound dog songs signaling I needed to open the door at once before he segued into the chorus. He just wanted to hunt. All. Day. Long. Davis was walking him three times a day and taking him to the country 2-3 times a week to let him run and explore and chase every living thing. He chased all manner of moving things and, when he was feeling especially frisky, sadly, he’d chase a car or 4-wheeler which led to his untimely end on our quiet, little street. 

Heartbroken is the only word to describe what we are- Ruby, Davis, me. I know there are people with far bigger problems and have experienced losses that are so infinitely deeper than this, but the heart grieves for what it loves and, at the moment, mine is grieving for a dog it loved named Otis. Who stole my heart on a busy road on a dark October night. Since he came here, I was his person. The one he looked for when he needed reassurance and comfort. As women, we like to mother and make things better for the one who needs extra help. When someone needs a little more support to get along, it brings to the surface all those nurturing instincts God gave us. Otis had awakened all of that in me. I saw in him something so sweet and so very gentle and yet so hurt and so broken. It was my goal to make him know what love and happiness were all about. And for 11 months, 2 weeks, and 4 days, I did my very best to love him in a way that would make him forget everything that came before us. Otis finally knew what it was to feel safe and loved and secure and so very wanted. I just wish he’d had more time to enjoy those things. Safety, love, security, belonging. He needed so much more than 11 months, 2 weeks, and 4 days to feel all those good things he deserved. 

Today has been hard. I so dreaded getting out of bed knowing I wouldn’t find him in any of those places where he should be. There are reminders of him in every corner of our house. Ruby is looking for him outside and smelling where he was last. And whenever she hears my crying grow audible, her little feet come clicking down the hall headed to where I am. She sits down quietly next to me and puts her paw on my arm or my leg. No words are needed. She can’t offer those. She’s just letting me know she knows how I feel because she’s feeling it, too. What loyal and devoted friends, we have in our dogs. Ruby has brought so much joy to our home in her 5 years here. I know the bill for loving her will come due one day, too. Please, let it be a long, long time from now. Such a sweet return but so high a price. It has me asking if I’ll ever do it again. 

Yesterday morning, instead of speaking a quick good morning to my Otis with a usual rub under the chin, I knelt on his bed, put my elbows down next to him, and lingered there with belly rubs and baby talk. Naturally, I have some regrets, but the way he was greeted to meet his very last day isn’t one of them. 

If I live to be 110, I will never stop missing a dog named Otis. 

Rest easy, my good, good boy. 

JONI 

Thank you to Dr. Misty McNeil who took care of Otis when he was brought in off the streets- all the way through Monday. Yesterday, she simply took care of me when there was nothing more to be done for him. She was always so attentive and loving to Otis and wanted to help me find solutions for some of our challenges. You know you have a first-class vet when they get on the floor and cry right along with you. That’s not stuff they learn in school. That comes from the heart. I will always remember her for that. 

Thank you to Amber Robinson who caught Otis and made it possible for him to know so much love and fun before he lived out his short days. Because of him, she and I were brought together in friendship. She was there in the beginning and the middle and she was there at the sad end. I don’t know how rescue people like her do what they do- putting mistreated animals above their emotional comfort by allowing themselves to experience grief over and over and over again. She’s been so supportive in wanting to help me help Otis. What a sweet parting gift for Otis to leave his person- a beautiful friend.