Wednesday, May 1, 2024
The Greatest of These Is Love
As a woman almost in her upper 50’s, I’ve noticed my thoughts have turned more introspective. Even as a child, I leaned toward being introspective, but I’m much more so now. I wouldn’t call my shift a mid-life crisis but maybe more of a mid-life appreciation. I know what you’re thinking- I’m too old for a mid-life anything but, according to its definition, a mid-life crisis (or appreciation in this case) can occur anywhere from age 35-65. I still fall within that range so I’m owning it and, as I’m getting older, I’m becoming all too aware of a few things through experience and observation. 1) Time passes like the wind. 2) People don’t live forever. 3) We make time for what really matters to us.
I’m trying to become more intentional about how I spend my time. At earlier points in my life, I spent it on more frivolous and temporary pursuits but, as I’ve gotten to be a woman of a certain age, I’m finding more spaces on my calendar to put people. In this crazy-paced life we’re all living, our schedules are bulging with obligations and it gets harder all the time to find opportunities to get together with people we love. A friend group I belong to was recently planning to get together for dinner. We all looked at our calendars and had to go through 4 weeks of possible dates before we could find one that fit into everyone’s schedule. And I know I’d rather try to assemble a congregation of alligators than to have to find a Saturday when both of my brothers can come to a family function. I get it. We’ve all got things. A lot of different things.
On Saturday, I went to Birmingham for the wedding of one Blair’s good friends in high school. They’ve been out of high school for twelve years, but Taylor spent many nights at our house and went on trips with us. I’d bake their crew brownies or get out extra blankets when they watched movies or dig out the appropriate medicine when someone wasn’t feeling well. All the mama stuff we do when our kids bring friends home. Taylor was one of us for that season and I couldn’t let her get married without being there. You can see she started crying when I spoke to her. I knew what the tears meant because I felt them, too. A mixture of sentimentality, love, and a thankfulness for the season our lives crossed before time moved on as it always does. 
I think it’s safe to say people don’t congregate like they once did. Church, family reunions, revivals, funerals- even front porches. Those places aren’t nearly as crowded as they once were. Those were important gatherings back in our parents’ and grandparents’ day. Faith, family and friends were priorities and they didn’t just make room for them, they planned around them. When our parents are gone, will there ever be another one of those big family reunions? The ones where everyone comes to a church or a park and brings potato salad, deviled eggs, and a cream cheese pound cake to share. You sit down to eat at long church tables covered in white paper and meet your second-cousin’s wife and kids who are sitting across from you while you sip on a styrofoam cup of sweet tea. Probably not. I don’t think our generation will make that a priority like our parents did. I know I haven’t been to the last few we’ve had because there’s always something else I need to be doing.
Well, April has been a month of sweet visits with people I don’t see often. People from all different places and times. It started with some of my relatives on my daddy’s side. Most people have one side of their family that gets together more frequently that the other. Not that the less congregative side loves each other any less, they’re just a more difficult flock to herd. Such is the case with my daddy’s family, but they’re an awfully fun people group so it’s always a treat when we get together anywhere other than a funeral home. Unfortunately, we often do our visiting sitting in wing back chairs in a parlor with “Amazing Grace” playing softly in the background. We then move our “reunion” to a fellowship hall or home with tables loaded down with southern fried tokens of sympathy and congealed sentiments of support. In the South, nothing says “we’re sorry for you loss” like compassion sent from the kitchen. That side of the family has assembled at more than its fair share of funerals. Not just for the older generations, but there have been an abundance of premature ones, too. Every time we stand around at the cemetery, we talk about getting together in more cheerful places.
April brought a time for some of us to do just that. My daddy’s sister, his only living sibling, and her two daughters, son-in-law, and granddaughter came for a visit on a perfectly beautiful spring day. The rest of the people in the pictures are from our branch minus a few. It’s always good to see my Aunt Frances and catch a glimpse of my daddy’s face in hers. It took an awful lot of back and forth negotiations and coordinations to find a time that worked for everyone, but I wouldn’t trade that day with them for anything.
Last Friday, I spent a few hours with two of my main college professors. The retail floristry program at Mississippi State was small in comparison to other departments and the students and teachers became like a family. I’d not seen one of them since I graduated and left campus. That was 34 years ago. I told them being between the two of them made me feel like I was 20 again. The visit brought back so many sweet memories and I was thankful for the time we’d all carved out for each other. Their careers molded mine and made a difference in my life. We took several pictures, but this one best captures the spirit of the day. And as a bonus, taking our picture was my sweet friend, Laurie, who moved away and I don’t get to see her much either. She joined us and that was just another drop of sweetness added to the day.
Keeping up with people is a subject on which I don’t claim to be an expert. I’ve failed in the area more times than I can count. It’s an arduous business. One that requires perseverance, sacrifice, and commitment. My mother is probably the most perfect model for how it’s done. The world is such a hateful place right now. Anywhere you have your love stored in someone- well, it’s worth working to preserve it- especially in a time when we’re surrounded by so much that is unlovely. We all need to keep our people close, these days. As I realize more and more just how little time we have to love on each other and influence each other for the good, I hope I can commit to doing the hard things. Drive the miles, make the arrangements, give the time, exert the effort- to show people they matter to me. It’s hard work and requires a lot to pull it off, but it’s so much better than regret. April was a good start.
Night to y’all,
JONI
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This is such a good post Joni! I agree with you. I saw a video of a guy who asked another guy how often he saw his parents and with them living in different states, he responded twice a year. Then the man asked how old they were and he responded that they were mid 70’s. The guy looked at him and said “Assuming they live until 80, you will see your parents 10 more times.” They man was shocked by that!
ReplyDeleteInvesting in people is the most important thing we can do. Tell them you love them, tell them you are thinking of them. Encourage them on!
Deanna Rabe
Your wonderful post brought back childhood memories of Sunday afternoons spent on my grandparents' front porch when relatives dropped by just to sit and chat. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThank You! We must make time with family and friends a priority! Life is short and we will never regret time spent with those we love!
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