Blair and John Samuel came home, this past weekend, and it was such a beautiful day, Saturday, that we decided to take the dogs for a walk at the lake. In our city, we're fortunate to have a couple of lakes with a paved walking path winding around one and hiking trails and bike trails in the woods surrounding the second lake. The weather beckoned us to come and enjoy our local treasure and Blair, John Samuel, and I loaded up the two dogs to head there. Carson had homework he needed to get done and Davis had a stop he needed to make first, so he was going to meet up with us when he was done.

Well, right off the bat, we disobeyed the rules and took the dogs on the paved walking path, because (1) there were only a couple of other people on the entire track and they were on the opposite side of the lake. There was no one that the dogs could possibly bother and (2) Davis, the rule follower, wasn't there to stop us. We walked about 1/2 mile when we saw the gravel path that led back to the wooded trails. I guess my conscience got the best of me and we decided to get on one of those trails and enjoy the woods for a while. There's a main path with several different trails shooting off of that. Basically, there's a trail suitable for any activity or fitness level. That's why when we passed the trailhead marked "The Family Loop" I thought that was where we belonged. The name indicated a leisurely stroll through the woods, which could be done even with several small children in tow. Davis and I had been through there and that was exactly how I remembered it.....just a sweet, little walk through the woods with a couple of streams running under cute bridges along the way.

So, we hopped on the trail and let the dogs be our guide. I'd woken up that morning not feeling the best. I couldn't put my finger on anything specific. I just wasn't 100%, but, surely, I could do something as non-strenuous as a family nature walk. Well, as I mentioned earlier, there are many trails winding through the woods back there and they intersect at many points. We were unfamiliar with that particular area as we usually walk another section of the park. So, after my Fitbit said we'd walked 2 miles already and there was no sight of the trail's end, we determined that surely we'd veered off of the Family Loop and, somehow, gotten ourselves onto, possibly, Satan's Trail or Death Angel's Pass. I mean, unless the name, Family Loop, was referencing families, who just happened to bring along a survival kit or perhaps families who wished to die together alone in the wilderness.

Anyway, it was no wonder we got off of the loop with the heavy blanket of winter leaves covering everything and the signage being a little spotty. We'd crossed over onto the bike trails, obviously. We'd top a steep hill and walk a few level steps, only to be met by another incline steeper than the one before. Of course, Blair and John Samuel and even the dogs were just scurrying on up the hills, but I was lagging behind and I'll just attribute it to not feeling up to par and leave it at that.

 
                                My view for most of the walk.

Well, we'd grilled burgers for lunch, right before we left for our walk, and I'd had a LOT of tea to drink, so this extended hiking session was getting me into sort of a 50 year old woman kind of bind. Finally, we turned another corner to see yet another mountain ahead of us, and that's when it happened. Our situation had gotten me tickled. Now, a tickled 50 year old woman out in the middle of the woods with a full bladder is not a situation that's going to end well. Ever. These are favorable conditions for a monsoon. So, in my laughter, I instructed Blair and John Samuel to stop. Holding my arms up into the air for emphasis, they turned around to hear me say with my legs crossed, "Ok, everybody stop! Nobody laugh or move or say a word!" I needed total silence to concentrate on the problem at hand. I could hear Blair filling John Samuel in on the situation, "Mom's trying not to wet her pants." I attempted to regain my composure and tried walking a few more steps, but it wasn't happening. It was now or never. I had to go. The humorous situation was more than the ol' bladder could take, so I yelled ahead, "Ok, I need both of you to walk way ahead where you can't see me. And I mean waaay ahead." It was a really kind of a big moment. For the first time in my life, all of my 50 years, I was about to relieve myself outdoors. And, while my brothers are probably beaming, while reading this, my mother has likely fallen backwards out of her chair. Someone should check on her.

Anyway, I got off the trail and found a suitable spot to relieve myself. I wasn't sure what a suitable spot looked like for a girl's first time at outdoor urination, but I thought it looked nice enough. Small trees around for me to catch myself should the need arise. The entire time, I was praying, "Oh, Lord....please, please, don't let some unsuspecting soul become subjected to this freak show by walking up through here ." My prayer was answered and I pulled up the remainder of my dignity and went to catch up with my family on the Family Loop gone bad.

Meanwhile, Davis texted me that he'd made it to the lake and wanted to know where we were, so he could join us. "We are lost. That is where we are. Gather a search party." As I'm communicating with him, John Samuel turned around and said that he certainly hoped no one had a game camera mounted close to my "bathroom". Oh, that was a good thought with which to keep my mind occupied. Maybe even a grainy video of me squatting near a tree would end up on our Community Watch page with the caption, "Does anyone know this woman?" I could imagine someone responding, "Yeah, I know her. Indecent exposure woman is married to trespassing man with the camera and clipboard from last week."

I looked at my Fitbit again and we were at 3.5 miles. I yelled ahead...…"Y'all go on and save yourselves. I've had a good life." But, being the compassionate people they are, they wouldn't leave me there to die. We continued our walk, talking about things like how many more hours of sunlight we had left, why we weren't hearing any helicopters yet, and which dog we thought would be the most tender and juicy. (We were only kidding, animal lovers. We'd starve first.)

In a minute, Davis came up through the woods to meet us. He was the most beautiful vision. He walked with us to where the bike trail finally came out at the main trail and then we walked another downhill mile or more until we made it back to his truck, which was far, far away from where we'd left our car. My Fitbit was just before contacting the authorities for unusual behavior. Surely, I'd been abducted running up those kinds of numbers.
 
                       In the back of Davis' search and rescue truck.

So, the next morning, I woke up and got all ready for church. I was so happy to be going with all of my kids there with me. But, I plopped back onto the bed and confessed to Davis that I was sick. My scalp ached. My back ached. My hips ached. My teeth ached. All of my nerve endings throbbed. I had an impressive fever. I peeled off my Sunday clothes and got back in bed, isolating myself from everyone for the rest of their visit. I know what flu feels like and I've diagnosed myself as having it, albeit a more modest case as I had taken the flu shot for the first time, this year. "Get a flu shot," they said. "It will keep you from getting the flu," they said.

So, the moral of this story is that excessive physical exercise causes the flu. Warn your friends and neighbors. And, also, no 50 year old woman has any business out in the woods after having three glasses of tea, unless she's willing to bare her behind to the heavens and to the earth. And, lastly, joy can be found even in life's unplanned detours.

 Stay well.