Davis and I finally broke down, this year, and joined a tailgate group. We had tickets to several of the Mississippi State games and, before the season started, we bought some new chairs, a rolling ice chest, some serving pieces.....all the things you need to be a legit tailgater. We'd been invited to join groups before and never had, but we decided this was our year.

Well, the season rolled around and we missed the first game due to traveling and then the next couple of home games due to an unplanned hysterectomy. And that took us all the way to game 8, which was the day after Sugar had passed away on Friday evening. Davis and I had just cried ourselves to dehydration, Friday night, and I knew if we stayed home on Saturday, we'd do nothing but lose more fluids. So, we decided we'd go and get our minds off of sad things and I sent him to the grocery store with a list.

Even though they had a rare weekend to stay home with no obligations, Blair and John Samuel drove in unexpectedly on Friday night to be with us. Bless their sweet hearts. All of Sugar's people being together was good. When your heart is feeling the same pain as the other people in the room, well, it finds a strange comfort there. Blair prepared my tailgate dishes and they helped us get some things done as we'd been preoccupied for a couple of days. I really don't think I could've done it without them. Blair knows her Mama well enough to know that I was going to be in rough shape and that she could help. She took charge and what a blessing that was to me. And what a humbling experience it is when your children love you so sacrificially.

So, on Saturday morning, Davis and I woke up from our second terrible night's sleep and had another good crying meltdown. When we woke up to that first day without our old girl, well, the waterworks started all over again at square one. But, with my eyes bloodshot and swollen, my sinuses throbbing, my head pounding, and practically unable to keep on eye makeup for any period of time, I put my sunglasses on and we set out to tailgate. Oh, we were going to be loads of fun to be around. We knew everyone was going to want to hang out with us with our sunny dispositions and snotty noses, but I was certain it would do us both some good to get away.

I was right, too. We both really enjoyed the day. Being with sweet friends in a totally different place, helped get our minds off of our little friend for a while. And the game was so good. Even though we left early, we were really glad we'd decided to go.

On the way home, though, all the sadness we'd shoved in the corner for a while....all the grief that we'd pushed down all day, well, it came rising back up to the surface. The hum of the dark highway seemed to remind us that we were going home for the first time and that Sugar wouldn't be sitting at the door when we got there. We grieved and cried some more in the glow of oncoming headlights.

Sunday morning came around and I sent everyone to church without me. I think the stress of the week and possibly some overexertion had just left me completely exhausted. We had lunch and visited with the kids, but, when Blair and John Samuel drove away, the sadness came back. It bubbled right up to the top again. Grief is like that, you know. I just see Sugar everywhere in our house. And she's not in those places where she should be. For almost 14 years, those little habits and routines of hers had become part of ours and they're gone now and it's so hard to let them go.

Now, I know Sugar was a dog. I know that there are people grieving for people right now and I certainly don't elevate her to that level, but, the heart feels what it feels. There's not much we can do about it when our soul longs and cries out for something it deeply loved. Sometimes, love just feels like love and we just have to let the heart do its thing and acknowledge what it's lost. In whatever way it has to do it. Love and loss have to run its course.

I can't leave without loving on my husband. I blogged, a few weeks ago, about men having their strengths and women having theirs. Well, I'd place pet burial in the man column, every time, and even with his heart broken wide open just like mine, Davis, of course, took care of our girl. He's been taking awfully good care of me, too, and I don't know what I'd do without him.

Thank you for all of your kind words to us.

Hope you have a good week.