He was working in Blair’s old room over the weekend. She had a built-in desk and book shelves that he was removing and, when he finally got it out, it was like a time capsule back there. Algebra homework, class schedules, old birthday cards- all had fallen behind the drawers. The paint behind there was the little girl lavender that was original when we built- back when there were stuffed animals on the bed and a dollhouse on the floor. There were the marks and the dates where we’d kept track of their ascending heights inside the closet. The old, forgotten phone jack was near the desk. Besides some of the dust that had accumulated in hard to reach places, so had layers of evidence that a lot of sweet life that had happened in there. 

Meanwhile, as he was busy with demolition, I was packing up the contents of a built-in entertainment center that’s coming out, because, well, entertainment centers, built to house the electronics of 17 years ago, are now ill-fitting with unnecessary compartments such as the obsolete VCR cubby. The cabinets in that thing housed a museum of media history. Home movies on DVDs, 8mm tapes, and VHS tapes. And what do we do with all those Disney VCR tapes that we spent so much money on back in the day? I even had a few cassettes that I’m sure came from one of my weak moments with Columbia House and their irresistible lure of 12 tapes for a penny. I found a stack of CDs even though we don’t have a way to play them anymore. There, in the pile was the lullaby CD that I rocked Carson to every night for the first 2 years of his life. Since I couldn’t play it, I found it on Apple Music. Talk about awakening deep memories- nothing does it quite like music (and smell.) All that time I spent listening to those with him in my arms and I hadn’t heard them in 20 years. 

Davis’ birthday was on Monday. We haven’t had our real celebration yet as Blair was working her extended stint at market and Carson was long gone in the tailwind of the UPS truck that delivered his shoes on Friday. So, for now, he and I had a quiet celebration- just the two of us and the four-legged child who will never go to college or move out or get a job. We went out to dinner and, afterwards, we came home and sat down at the table with the empty walls and cleared tabletops and bare floors and capped off electrical wires all around us. There, we ate his favorite, cookie cake, right out of the box. He got a pair of shoes to help his plantar fasciitis and a Chirp wheel for his cranky back. He didn’t have plantar fasciitis or a cranky back when we built the house we’re now renovating. We talked about it being his first birthday without a parent and I reminded him he’s now the same age his dad was when I joined his family and then I realized I’m the same age my daddy was when he joined mine. That’ll set you straight on where you are in life, real quick-like.  

Yeah, we’ve been peeling away the layers of our house. The scuffs of a lot of living. The marks of a lot of growing. The evidence of a lot of changing. In the process, we’ve realized our house isn’t alone. We’ve done a lot of changing, too. We’re a sum of the layers of our years- each one serving its purpose for a time. Changes are hard to accept, at times, but not as hard as, say, if Blair was still back there in her lavender bedroom playing with her dollhouse at 27 or if I was trying to order new release movies on VHS. Change is natural and necessary. No matter how far along I go in life or how deep my layers get, I want to keep growing, changing, and improving myself. Always staying busy living out God’s calling for me- whatever that may be at the time. I don’t want to become a VCR cubby. 

Y’all have a great weekend! Stay warm and well, friends. 

JONI