Well, there’s been a lot going on around here. I’ll start with a Ruby story. My extended family had a graduation party for two of our family members, this past weekend. We make a big deal over the kids when they graduate from high school. It’s a big step toward independence- not to mention a promotion from the kiddie table- so we like to give them a time to be celebrated. We were going to have a big cookout and I was bringing the baked beans. Well, since it was such a big crowd, I decided to order them from a local bbq place. I picked them up and they had them ready for me in a large tub. I got home and stirred in about 3/4 of a large store-bought can of beans to stretch them a little more for our big crowd and I put the empty tub and partially empty jumbo can in the trash. Well, at the current time, our kitchen trash cans are displaced in the laundry room as our cabinet doors aren’t put back on yet, which would leave Ruby with unlimited access to the garbage and that would be less than ideal for a dog who eats all things. 

So, when it was time to go, we told Ruby goodbye and headed to the party with the hot beans. Five hours later, we returned and opened the door to find that she’d thrown a party of her own. I’m not sure if she had other dogs over or if it was just her, but there were cans, wrappers, old coffee grounds and dirty paper plates strewn around the place. Thankfully, we currently have no floor covering. She’d opened the laundry room door. Knocked over the trash can. Gotten the bean tub and the bean can out. Taken them into the family room to her bed and eaten them in front of the tv. Kind of a dog’s version of popcorn and a movie. All the beans I’d left in the bottom of the big can were gone and both vessels were licked clean. She saw me coming and stuck her whole head back in the can to ensure she’d gotten them all before I shut the party down completely. A last call of sorts. Later that night, she was lying in her bed with the blanket over her. I heard a horrible noise and saw the blanket balloon out. Party now. Pay for it later. 

And amidst all of our renovation chaos, we started having septic system issues. Around here, when you’re a city dweller, you’re on the city’s sewage system, but when you’re living outside the city limits, you’ve got this septic system thing. Every few years, we have to have ours cleaned out as tree roots grow down and stop things up. So, the septic guy comes in the big pump truck and takes care of our problem and closes the tank, but Davis tells him not to put the dirt back in the hole as he wants to pour some pool salt in it to kill the roots before he fills it in again. The septic guy rubs his chin and agrees that it’s a good idea. That was 36 hours ago. Eager as I am to get it all put back together out there, I’ve asked Davis, a couple of times, when he plans to do that. He assures me soon, but, meanwhile, I’m looking at this hole that’s about 6 feet long and 4 feet deep from my bedroom window. I’m starting to wonder if Davis has other plans for that hole. If he starts fashioning some sort of box out of the reno scrap pile, I’ll start to worry. 

As far as the renovations, well, we’re starting to finally see some of the actual finishes in a couple of places, but it’s been a long time coming. I just love all those home renovation shows like Flip or Flop, Hometown, and Fixer Upper, but they do give you unrealistic ideas about how these things work. You know the shows where they buy a hideous house that you can almost smell through the TV screen? They’ll fill a dumpster with rotten wood, stained mattresses, and filthy toilets and, only two weeks later, it’s a beautiful designer home. Or there are those shows like Love It or List It. They go in people’s homes and fix them up to meet their needs to convince them that their house can still work for them and not to sell. Most of those people don’t really need a new home- they just need a vacuum cleaner, some garbage bags, and a commitment to fold the laundry every once in a while.

Especially now, I can appreciate the fictitious nature of these shows, where the sub-contractors start pulling in the driveway on day one and they’re working inside and outside- so many of them that they’re bumping into each other. They show them arriving early in the morning and working into the night to get the job done. When one worker is finished, the next guy is right there ready to start his part. No waiting. No delays. Just 1, 2, 3, done. That’s how it works on TV. 

But, in real life renovations, the tile guy can’t come until the plumber comes. The plumber is working on another house, but might be able to squeeze you in before he starts another big job at the first of the month. If he can’t get to you before that job, it will be another 5 days or so after that before he can come. The plumber finally comes a week later than his original worst case scenario date. Tile guy started another job and has to finish before he can get to you. Electrician guy thinks he can come in 2 weeks. After 2 weeks, no electrician. Says it will be another week. Finally, tile guy comes and works a couple of afternoons. He doesn’t finish and says he will come back after counter top guy and sheetrock guy come. Counter top guy can’t come until the painter comes. Electrician comes but doesn’t get finished. Says he will be back after painter comes back for the final time. Painter comes and works until lunch. Will be back after sheetrock guy. Counter top guy can come at the end of the week. Sheetrock guy will be a couple of weeks. No, can’t come then. Not done with his other job. He’ll give you a call when he’s done. Finally, sheetrock guy comes, so painter is put on alert. Painter has no idea when he can come back because he’s gotten really busy. Floor guy can’t come until painter finishes and painter can’t come until sheetrock guy finishes. Electrician can’t come back until sheetrock and painter are finished. Sheetrock guy finally comes. Wait and wait for painter. Painter will be there in 2 weeks. No, make that 3 weeks. Not sure when the painter will be there. Finally, painter comes back. Floor guy is called. Electrician is called. Floor guy has started another job. May need to call another floor guy. Electrician will be there by the end of the week. No, the first of next week. No, it will be toward the middle of the week. Electrician will get there when he gets there. 

So, I kind of feel like we’re living in a really low budget southern movie over here. A hound dog eating beans in front of the TV set. Gurgling toilets when the washing machine drains. An open grave in the backyard. Septic pumper truck in the driveway. Old sinks, light fixtures and countertops tossed out the back door. We’re just one car on cinder blocks away from a Cousin Eddie situation over here. 

On a happy note, Carson graduates on May 12. Did you just hear angels singing or just me? I thought we might get to celebrate in a finished house, but that’s not going to happen unless we get selected for one of those shows or Chip and Joanna drive up unexpectedly. Either way, it will be a happy day. We’ll celebrate somewhere! 

It’s nice to catch up with y’all! Have a great week! 

JONI