Wednesday, July 15, 2015

A Public Service Announcement

So, I got home from the Atlanta market last night.  Blair and I had a very successful buying trip and ordered some awesome things for the two stores.  I take her along as the representative voice of the younger consumer.  She either gives me the nod or wrinkles her nose when I ask her opinion about something that is beneath my years.  We make a good pair.  We also logged over 16,000 steps on her Fitbit everyday, so I felt very accomplished on so many levels.        

I came home to a mammogram appointment this morning.  I believe we broached this subject last year, but it's one that bears repeating.  I'm sure my mother's face is starting to feel flush as she senses that I'm about to use the word, "breast" online......and men, if any of you choose to leave before we get started today, we won't judge.    

Yeah, it was time.  Time to go have the ol' bosoms rolled out like a pie crust.  I think the mammogram is the only medical test that requires you to completely flatten out the body part in question, so that they can get a good look at it.  This would never fly with any of the man parts.  I feel sure that someone would come up with a better way real quick like.

In my mind, the mammogram can be likened to many things..... 

-Like lifting the hood of your car, placing your bosoms above its grill, and, at your command, having your husband slam the hood shut and then pull the hood release 30 seconds later. 

-Like going out onto a highway, where there is road construction, lying down on your side across the fresh asphalt and having the steamroller back over your breast.  Turn and repeat. 

-Like inserting your bosoms into the paper feed of the copy machine at work and clicking "Print". 

-Like pressing wildflowers in a stack of World Book Encyclopedias only with much less appealing results that you wouldn't want to frame and hang in your bathroom. 

-Like extruding your breasts through a Play-Doh Fun Factory as someone has done here.... 

You get the idea.    

How ever you prefer to think of it, it is one of those slightly uncomfortable, yet necessary, tests that we, women, must endure to insure that we stay healthy for our families and continue to help them find things they've lost.

Today, there were about four of us, ladies, sitting and waiting in the back together.  All in our robes open to the front, of course.  There we were.  All ages and sizes.  There were some younger bosoms, which were still proud and perky.  Middle-aged breasts that had started their flight south.  And large, grandmotherly bosoms, which had probably served as a head rest for many-a-sleeping baby......all there waiting to be smooshed and squooshed.  We chatted and got to know each other.  Some names were even exchanged.  You know, there is a sisterhood among women, who meet in such places.  We can sympathize with each other's preventative and diagnostic plight.  We all have those same nooks and crannies which must be checked once a year.

So, don't forget to schedule your mammogram and "that other yearly visit".  They're among the most important things you can do for yourself and your family. 

Without you, they would starve.
You wouldn't want that.

Y'all have a good Thursday! 





  1. Ouch! My Grandma bosoms was feeling this post! Good for you Joni, taking care of yourself and showing Blair that physical well being is very important for us caretakers and working a job. Have a Blessed day Joni, Kathleen in Az

    1. Grandma bosoms are the best kind, Kathleen! :)

  2. You are so funny! Truthful, but funny. I just had a mammogram a few months ago and the technician had to do one side twice. It's bad enough to be squished once, ouch!