Thursday, June 24, 2021
Celebrating the Menfolk
I was so busy last week that I feel like I didn’t address Father’s Day properly. I hope you all had a great weekend celebrating the dads in your life by consuming a lot of grilled red meat and bestowing upon him a new tool of some sort. Our Davis is certainly a dad worth celebrating every day. Sure, I too often have to ask him questions like, “Are you wearing that?” And “Don’t you have any clothes that don’t say Columbia?” And on a regular basis, I may send him back to change when he tries to wear too many shades of the same color at the same time. And, yes, he may be such a predictable and consistent creature of habit that even the clocks and calendars envy him. And, sure, he might have the body temperature of a lizard and find it almost impossible to stay awake for the news, but we all hit the jackpot with him. Every bit of himself that he has to give, he gives it. A completely selfless soul. A man who absolutely loves to work- any kind of work. And a guy who asks what God would want him to do in every situation he faces. He’s a man of integrity and a man of God who prays for the good of his children every single day. We couldn’t be more proud that he’s ours or love him any more than we do. He’s our predictable, routine-loving, early to bed, rooster-rivaling early to rise, fashion-challenged, cold-natured, lovable guy and his valiant leading of our family was rewarded with a new cordless drill, a blueberry picker, and MSU sun hat for Father’s Day.
Carson turned 21 on Father’s Day, so we had all kinds of things to celebrate around here. I felt like we didn’t do anything exciting. The weather was nasty on Saturday and that put the brakes on the hike we wanted to do with the dogs. But it was also hard to plan much of anything when the menfolk just wanted to plant themselves in front of the College World Series- no matter if our Bulldogs were playing or not. We did eat an impressive amount of food and, when we went out, the restaurant was chosen solely on the basis of the number of televisions on site. You can imagine what fine dining that was. We did manage to work some volleyball and whiffle ball into the weekend on Sunday afternoon. We like to get outside and play stuff when everybody is here and our neighbors helped fill in the teams. Of course, we have a wide range of skill levels, but that’s what makes it so humorous and entertaining. We have everything from a former college pitcher to elderly people who require pre-game Advil and still others with bladder problems when they laugh at people who run funny. Sadly, Carson’s team was saddled with the latter and the score reflected it.
I remember my 21st birthday. It doesn’t seem like that long ago, but it was. Don’t you ever wish you could go back and do things over knowing what you know now? I tried to think of what I’d tell my 21 year old self now that I’m slightly older. First off, I’d probably slap her and tell her she’s not as smart as she thinks she is. I’d assure her that she has so much to learn. I’d tell her not to worry about stuff so much or take things too seriously- good or bad- nothing lasts forever. I’d promise her that with every year of living comes a greater sense of calm and a lesser tendency to sweat the small stuff. I’d remind her not to waste time because it goes by lightning fast and she’ll have these crazy chin hairs coming out of nowhere that’ll rival the grass coverage in her yard before she can turn around. I’d tell her to keep up the good work with taking a lot of pictures because, one day, they’ll be the only way to look into some of the faces she loves. I’d assure her that the things that are really big stressors for her now likely won’t even matter in a year or even a month, so don’t get bogged down with them. I’d really emphasize the truth behind what Eleanor Roosevelt said- “You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” I’d tell her to not to get busy and let up in visiting her grandparents- to write down the things they tell her- and that they’re precious links to her past that are gone too soon. I’d give her a reminder that what she puts in relationships is what she can expect to get out of them. I’d advise her to really watch her words- they can never be taken back so measure them carefully before dispensing. I’d warn her to never get so busy that she can’t spare some time for the people she loves. I’d tell her not to always take the safe road but to stick her neck out a little, every now and then. I’d describe to her how painful the feeling of regret is and urge her to seize opportunities as they come. I’d ask her not to get cranky with her parents and remind her that she won’t really know how hard they work or how much they love her until she’s paying for her own insurance and waiting on her own children to get home from prom. I’d tell her that with all the paths ahead, the choices to make, and the blanks to fill in that God is always for her and always with her.
I decided to ask some friends what they’d tell their 21 year old selves. I got a lot of good answers.
-God’s way really is the best way and it’s designed to protect us.
-Don’t spend time worrying about things you can’t control.
-It’s all just a season. Enjoy it while you have it, or suck it up while it lasts, but know that change will come. This too shall pass.
-Pray more and worry less.
-Don’t be gullible.
-Get the dog.
-Everyone doesn’t need to know your opinion on everything all the time.
-Be more considerate of others.
-Choose your friends wisely. They rub off.
-You’re not the center of the universe.
-Live your life without worrying about what other people say or think.
-Enjoy this time and have fun.
-Don’t be overly cautious. Sometimes, throw it to the wind.
That would probably be good advice for all 21 year olds and most of us who are slightly older, too. I guess in Carson’s case, I’d warn him that he’ll be telling Dad jokes and wearing white leather Reeboks and blue jean shorts before he knows it. Before he can bat an eye, his kids will be having to repeat things, his calendar will be full of doctor appointments, and he’ll develop a growing obsession with gas mileage and the weather radar. But, for now, you’re 21, son. Seize the day, the moments, the opportunities, the relationships. And wherever you go, go with God.
“Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; He will neither fail you or abandon you.” Deuteronomy 31:8
Happy Weekend and Go Bulldogs!
JONI
Tuesday, June 8, 2021
Thoughts From Between 18 and 88
I asked you to pray for our friend, Tim, last week. Sadly, Tim passed away over the weekend after a sudden, unexpected illness. It always seems to me like death that we don’t see coming hits harder than the kind for which we have time to brace ourselves. I appreciate everyone who messaged me that they were praying for him. Please replace those prayers with prayers for his family. He and his wife, Sherry, have always been among my very favorites and, from where I’m sitting, Tim just had too much left to give to be taken, but God has ordained our days and we trust Him. Tim was one of those people who could do anything. He was very wise, genuine, strong, funny, and lovable. He was a man of God- steady, consistent, and honorable. He was one of the good guys.
Sherry and I were in a women’s weekly bible study together for a decade or so. Having gone to church together, I’d always loved and admired her, too, and our time in that group only grew and cemented my respect for her. I was the youngest of all the ladies- the others were 10 or more years older, so Tim and Sherry were a little further down the path of life than me, but so young at heart. Tim was 70.
Today, I considered how much age changes our thinking. When my Daddy died soon after his 71st birthday, I was just arriving on the scene of my 40’s. I remember thinking that he wasn’t old, but he’d lived a pretty long life. To my 40 year old eyes, 71 seemed like quite a generous number of years. As Davis and I sat at Tim’s funeral today, I realized how much my perspective on age had shifted in just 12 years. Seventy suddenly seems quite young. And my Grandmother died at 79- the age my mother is now. At 34, I considered her to be quite elderly at 79. At 53, my mother doesn’t seem nearly as old as I considered Grandmother to be at that same age. Funny how the years skew the way we view life.
Last week on June 2, some of my high school classmates were posting that it had been 35 years since our graduation. I was with one of our two class valedictorians over the weekend and we both agreed that we certainly don’t feel like it’s been that long. I remembered my parents going to their 35th reunion and thinking- “my soul, how could anybody be that old?” In my mind, I feel like I’m still in my 20’s or 30’s, but it doesn’t take long for my body to remind me that, clearly, I am not. If those 35 years have gone by that fast, then how much faster will the next 35 go- which will take me to age 88- probably in the activity room of some retirement facility doing chair aerobics and wondering why my children haven’t called.
I suppose recent events just have my thoughts rambling about the increasing speed of life. Davis and I talked about his retirement plans over our lunch today. That seems to be a popular topic of conversation among our friends, these days- how many years before you retire? The 18 year old in the picture thought that she had so much longer before she’d be discussing things like that with her husband.
So, here I am halfway between 18 and 88. I feel like I’ve been living more intentionally, the last couple of years. I suppose with the emergence of my 50’s came a stronger sense of urgency to make the days count. The last week has given some reminders of that. We exchange every day for something- either something hollow or something lasting. May we make good exchanges with our time. Like Tim.
Blair and John Samuel have a picture hanging in their house that I think has a good word for us all-
“This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever. In its place is something that you have left behind. Let it be something good.”
Y’all have a good week.
JONI
Wednesday, June 2, 2021
The Cutting Room Floor
I have a movie that plays in my mind. It’s the motion picture of my life. A compilation of memories, faces, events, losses, firsts, turning points, special occasions, victories, milestones. There are love scenes, sappy clips, heartwarming family moments, adventure segments with friends, and a gracious plenty of boring parts that would rival any subtitled foreign film in the snooze department. I would be a little heavy on the comedic clips- some that make me chuckle no matter how many times I’ve replayed them in my mind. And, yes, there are some goodbye scenes and heart-tugging segments that still require Kleenex if I go back and watch.
The movie also has a soundtrack that’s always playing quietly in the background of my head. The sounds of my life. It’s like the music they play in elevators and department stores. You don’t really realize it, but it’s always there- the quiet hum of your life’s recordings. Voices, conversations, music, words. I can hear the precious way my children mispronounced words as toddlers. I hear my Daddy singing in the car on road trips and the squeak of my grandparents’ screen door. I can hear the sweet voice of my third grade teacher and the melodies of old hymns I learned when I was young. I hear our wedding music, last conversations, the Saturday morning cartoon theme songs, and affirming words of friends that I’ve never forgotten.
Every now and then, something in my day will bring up clips from my movie. The last few weeks have been especially rich in visits with my friends. Living in my hometown does has its advantages because many friends are still here and we do very well staying connected. And when friends, who’ve moved away, come back home to see their families, well, there’s a chance to visit them, too, so I have a lot of opportunity to stay in touch with people and I love that about having lived in the same place most of my life. Most of the time, a visit or conversation can bring a certain highlight of my movie to the big screen of my mind. The film will rewind back to the places where my present company is featured and the memories are so fun to rerun. College, high school, childhood, young parenthood- whatever segment we filmed together becomes fresh again and usually leads to a lot of laughter and a longing for the good ole days. A smell, a sound, a song, a holiday tradition, a photograph, or a host of other triggers will all cue the tape and roll the happy footage that correlates.
But, from time to time, my blooper reel will appear on my mind’s screen. Like today. There’s usually no obvious trigger to make it start playing, but there it goes. Rolling the unedited version of my life on loop. All the mistakes I’ve made since the womb. Not any biggies like armed bank robbery, prostitution, or treason. No, just the words I wish I hadn’t said. The times I embarrassed myself. The dumb decisions I made. The missed opportunities I didn’t take. The feelings I hurt. My youthful ignorance on display. The moments I wish I could take back. All the film that I thought was tucked away on the cutting room floor just randomly starts playing for my own private viewing for no apparent reason. There are scenes that make me wince and audibly call myself an idiot. There are parts that make me close my eyes and shake my head. Some of them prompt me to give myself a good, “What were you thinking, Joni?” It’s pretty painful to watch your worst moments play in your mind- no matter how far back they go.
I’m convinced we all have a blooper reel that gets stuck on repeat from time to time. I became certain of it when my own Mama told me she wished she had a big eraser that she could use to go through and remove pieces and parts of her life that she wished weren’t there. There were things she wanted to do over differently and things she regretted. I thought then if my own mother, who’s the driven snow level of pure, has regretful scenes that replay in her mind then, heavenly sunlight, we must all have a blooper reel. Although, I’m sure mine is significantly longer than hers- probably enough for a blooper marathon weekend.
I’ve tried to think what the origin of these unpleasant and unsolicited movie showings might be and I contemplated the lack of self-forgiveness. We can usually forgive other people pretty well and extend mercy and grace to them as it’s needed, but we have a really hard time offering that same gift to ourselves. I also think Satan uses those clips to intimidate us. If he can make us self-conscious and focused on our own weaknesses, we’re less likely to be aware of the power of God that’s available to us and we become ineffective in the life He’s called us to live. And if we’re always second-guessing our words and actions to avoid additional blooper episodes, we just stay distracted from our calling to be God’s light in a dark world. What better way to achieve self-consciousness and distraction than to roll the tape of our missteps for our own private viewing.
I know my movie doesn’t look like yours. And your bloopers aren’t the same as mine. We all have a unique movie and an original soundtrack and a bunch of stuff that’s been edited out and kept from public viewing- at least, as much as is in our power. Jesus’ life was the only one that required no editing. He lived a perfect life and died a cruel death so we could have complete forgiveness for all the times we didn’t get it right. And that’s a bunch of times. He offers His beautiful gift of redemption to anyone who asks.
“For His unfailing love toward those who fear Him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.”
Psalm 103:11-12
“No, dear brothers and sisters, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead. I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven.”
Philippians 3:13-14
If your cutting room floor is ankle deep or neck high- God’s forgiveness is just the same. Leave it all and come away from there. We’ve got better stuff to do.
(When you say your prayers, please pray for my friend, Tim. He and his wife are very special to me and Tim is very sick. I would really appreciate your prayers for him.)
Much love,
JONI
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