Monday, November 16, 2015

Look Away

I was so productive today.  I got Carson out the door this morning and slipped back in the bed for a couple of more hours of much needed sleep.  I stayed in my PJs and cleaned house until 1:00, at which point, I finally showered, got dressed, and headed out with my most impressive grocery list.  We were out of everything.  Not just food, but things like shaving cream, detergent, shampoo, toothpaste.  Putting off the trip to the store was not an option.  It was no longer just a matter of our nutritional needs being met, but our hygiene was on the line as well and we couldn't have that. 

I ran a couple of errands first and decided to run through the Chick-fil-a drive through to get a sandwich and some tea before I went to shop.  One needs to be well nourished and hydrated when entering a store with a list so wordy that it could be mistaken for the Magna Carta.  I placed my order and everything was going fine.  I pulled around the building to pay and that's when it happened. 

As I waited for my turn to pull up to the window, my eyes wandered around the parking lot in front of me and I happened to catch a glimpse of a woman running over to some nearby bushes and vomiting into them.  I know.  Vomit is a terrible word.  And the thing is......there's no really nice way to say vomit.  Throw up.  Puke. Upchuck.  No, here at Motherhood and Muffin Tops, we'll stick with the more medical seeming terminology, vomit. 

I know you're familiar with the car wreck phenomenon.  You want to stop looking so you won't see anything you don't want to see but you can't.  I tried to look away, but I suppose, in a sick and twisted way, I was curious to see if she was done and just had to get a second look.  Just in time to catch a second explosive wave spew into the poor holly bushes. 

Oh, man.  There I was waiting on my grilled chicken sandwich with melted Colby jack cheese on a whole wheat bun and I'd gone and done this to myself. 

Poor lady.  She was probably out shopping when the stomach bug hit her and she had nowhere to go but the bushes......and right at the exact time my car was pointing in her direction.  Why did I look?  Why? Why? Why? Why?  

My stomach started to feel a little rumbly as I pulled up to claim my sandwich and tea.  The lady handed me my food and told me it was her pleasure and all that polite stuff they say at Chick-fil-a.  How could something sound so good on one side of the building and so repulsive on the other?  I pulled off determined to eat my lunch.  I thought, "I'll just think about something butterflies, rainbows, and ponies."  I bit into it and started to chew.  "Rainbow, butterflies, ponies, rainbows, butterflies, ponies, rainbows, butterflies, ponies.......oh, no......and a woman vomiting in the bushes."  I tried to swallow the bite of sandwich without gagging.  Drank some tea.  Got it down. 

I'd just paid good money for this sandwich and hadn't had any lunch, so I was determined to eat it.  I changed my strategy.  I'll turn up the music and focus on that.  Yeah, good idea.  Luckily, one of my new favorite songs was playing......"Hello, can you hear me?  I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be."  Yes, the music was helping.  I was singing along and went in for another bite as Adele continued with her heart wrenching phone call......  "When we were younger and free. I've forgotten how it felt before...oh, no....the woman vomited in the bushes."

I managed to eat half of my sandwich with the air conditioner blowing cold air in my face, but my stomach churned all the way through the grocery store and all the way to the checkout where the lady said, "Your total is $247.79, ma'am."  Oh, my stomach.   

So, the moral of the story is this......curiosity kills the appetite.  When in doubt, don't look.  If you do, there's nothing that even Adele can do to help you "unsee" what you saw. 

Hope y'all have a great day, people!



  1. Darn Joni! You needed nourishment for your big shopping trip. But I too, would look at the train wreak, poor Lady:( Kathleen in Az
    Love the Adele reference:)
    oh my, the grocery bill, yes, when you're of everything, uh huh:(

  2. Happy Thanksgiving, Joni! I'm thankful for your blog! Always makes me smile!