For the last few years, I’ve had this same number in my head. I don’t really know how I came up with the said number, but I try to keep my weight at or under it. It’s the number that I don’t want to let myself cross. My line in the sand- well, for right now, at least. When it requires me to start spending 5 hours a day on the treadmill and eating mostly watercress to maintain it, well, we’ll likely have to revisit.

Holding the numbers down has gotten harder as I’ve gotten into my 40’s and 50’s. You, ladies, know how our metabolisms seemingly hand in their notices about this time in life. With a little arithmetic, I figured my weight is now 38% higher than it was in high school. I suppose that’s about the equivalent of me at 18 with a kindergartener strapped to my back- well, actually, strapped around my waist. 

When I graduated from high school, I was a wisp of a girl. I didn’t even weigh enough to donate blood. One of my many nicknames was Bony Joni, but that one has since fallen by the wayside. When your hip bones no longer protrude almost through the skin and your knees and elbows don’t bulge out like knots on a log, the name kind of loses its relevance. 

Just so you know, this isn’t a post about weight or weight loss. It’s not about the number on your scale versus the number on mine. I just felt drawn to write about something and this was the first example that came to mind. 

So, a couple of weeks ago, the scale went above my line in the sand. Not by much- just a pound. And you know how we do- I stood there and thought about what I’d eaten unusual in the last week to see if I could find an explanation. Then I wondered if I’d just been consuming more salty foods than usual and thought drinking more water would probably help. Then I went to the most comforting explanation that I’d been walking longer on the treadmill, as of late, and it could just be that “muscle weighs more than fat” thing. Anyway, I rocked along a few more days and that number came up again and again and all of a sudden- it wasn’t as startling as it had been just a few days prior. I was almost used to the new number like it was becoming my new line in the sand, but I knew deep down it wasn’t. 

What the heck are you talking about, Joni? Are you in some kind of pyramid scheme of diet supplements? No. But, we all have lines in the sand in every part of our lives. Sometimes, we move those so gradually that we don’t even realize the change until we look back and see the difference. Sometimes, we can see an alarming transformation- for better or worse. 

It’s like when we see someone on a regular basis or when they see us regularly, we don’t notice the changes in each other physically. They happen so slowly and gradually. We’re fed the change in indiscernible increments. But, when we see someone after a long separation, that’s when the changes are most obvious and sometimes jolting for us and them- Joni certainly has aged! 

If I’d been in a coma since I was 18 and woke up today- boy, would I be surprised! Having to digest the changes all at once would be too much for anyone to bear. For starters, I’d be horrified when I went to put on my red and white striped bikini to head to the pool. I’d wonder what the heck happened to my rich coffee brown hair. I’d be beyond disturbed as to where my deep, dark golden tan had gone. I’d have to get an explanation as to how these lines got on my face and why my eyelids are drooping. And what this fur is growing on my chin- that, I’d demand to know. 

But, more important than those kinds of changes, I’d probably be most dumbfounded by other things. Why churches are only half full. How patriotism and history became bad. Why radical ideas are normalized and given so much credibility. How families got too busy to enjoy life. Why so much corruption is tolerated. Why Americans have turned on each other. How government got so big and powerful. Why God has been removed from public places. How right became wrong and wrong is celebrated as right. Why people are more interested in their phones than the people around them. How people with so much can be so unhappy. How simplicity was swallowed up by excess. 

Things like that didn’t happen from one day to the next. Those kinds of changes don’t occur overnight- on the bathroom scale or in life. They happen by accepting a small change- one time and then again and then again and again and again until we don’t even recognize what we once were. Compromising the line in the sand over and over and over. 

As Christians, women, mothers, wives, citizens, and all the other titles we might hold, we have to stand firm in our convictions. I’m talking to myself here and really just letting you listen. Using God’s word as the guide, I need to redraw the lines, readjust the scales, and reset the boundaries wherever they’ve been compromised. Through the years, I know I’ve let my scales get out of whack- in more ways than one. May God give us courage to fight for things that are right and noble and true. Even when right is made to seem wrong and what is noble is a source of ridicule and the truth is made out to be false. Then, more than ever, is it important to plant our feet and hold the line. Taut. 

I may talk to you before week’s end. Y’all have a good one! 

JONI