I've always been one to have crazy, epic dreams.  They're very detailed, full of action, and seem to go on for hours and hours.  No matter what they're about, I always remember them the next day.  I've had friends tell me that they never dream and I can't even imagine that.  Yeah, when I go to bed, I never know where I'm going to be that night.  Falling off a trapeze.  Locked in a freezer.  Delivering pizzas.  Raising goats.  Digging a moat.  Sometimes, the dreams are happy and I don't want to wake up and, sometimes, I will sit straight up in the bed with my heart pounding....so relieved it wasn't real.  

As a side note, I've read that people who dream and people who stay up late are usually very intelligent.  Let me tell you what........if that's the criteria for brilliance, I must be a genius!  You can ask me anything.  Go ahead.  Anything!    

Well, over the last few weeks, I've been having these vivid dreams in which I've found myself with the same, recurring problem......I wasn't ready!  So, today on Motherhood and Muffin Tops, we're going to do an exercise in dream analysis.  The latest dream I had was last Friday night, so we'll start there and work our way back.

Dream 3:  I was in the Miss America pageant.  Now, I know what you're thinking....."well, that's not so far-fetched."  And you'd be exactly right because you can just look at me and tell I've always been the pageant type who enjoys the spotlight and feels right at home on a national stage.  And on stage with a microphone and in my swimsuit?  Well, hello, that's even better.  Where do I sign up?

Anyway, in my dream, you only had to turn in some forms to qualify to be in the Miss America pageant and, because some of my friends were doing it, I decided I would, too.  I suppose if they'd signed up to jump off a cliff, I would have signed up for that, too.  After I'd turned my paperwork in, I really didn't give it that much thought.......until we were all backstage and my hair wasn't doing right.  I was looking in the mirror and thinking how I looked a lot like Bea Arthur and I wasn't sure that was the look the Miss America people were going for. 

Anyway, I was standing there in my red dress, trying to do something with the frizz in my hair while I waited for my turn to perform my talent.  "Wait a minute," I thought......"my talent!"  I hadn't practiced.  I had just put down on the form that I would sing Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On" and I hadn't thought of it since.  Not to mention, I'd never even sung a solo in my whole life.  So, I panicked.  I thought it would be a good idea to, at least, hurriedly hum the song all the way through in my head to make sure I knew all the words and, you know, trivial stuff like that.  I mean, I was going to be singing on national television so I wanted it to be kinda good.  "Every night in my dreams, I hear you, I feel you"......"this is easy enough," I thought......."that is how I know you go on."  It was in my range.  Everything was going swell.  Then......"Oooooonce mooooooore you oooooooooopen the door."  "Ok....this is a problem," I decided as I tried to hum other Celine songs real fast to see if I could find one more in my range.  But, the Lord was merciful and I woke up before I started in with "The Power of Love" and sweated completely through my pajamas.       

Dream 2:  I was asked to be an angel in the live nativity along with my cousin, Amy.  We dressed in our flowing, white gowns and majestic wings, and we were fitted with harnesses and wires which, when the time was right, would hoist us up into the air to fly above and around the audience.  Well, the lights dimmed and, all of a sudden, I realized that I hadn't been to any of the practices.  Dang it!  So, I decided I'd just watch Amy and do whatever she was doing.  The time came and we were flung up into the air......back and forth and all around the room.  Amy was doing sort of an interpretive dance in the air with her arms gracefully waving and her legs moving in a beautiful scissor motion so I just tried to mimic her.  Amy sprinkled fairy dust down on the audience and so I did, too.  (The angels sprinkling fairy dust at Jesus' birth is one of those details that the gospels don't really address but we took some artistic liberties there.)  Back and forth and around the ceiling we went.......the angels from the realms of glory, we were.  Each in perfect unison.........except one of us on about a five second delay.  I have never been so delighted to see the light of morning as I was that day.        

Dream 1:  This was, by far, the most traumatic.  I had gotten to church and made it all the way up to the choir room where I realized I'd forgotten to wear a top.  Now, there are few things that I hate more than when I forget to wear a top.  That's just the worst.  Anyway, I thought it would be fine since we wear choir robes but, on this particular Sunday, as luck would have it, we were told not to wear our robes.  "Well, I better not sing in the choir today," I said, but my choir friends insisted it would be ok, you know, like choir friends are bad to do.  "You'll be fine," they said.  "There will be someone standing in front of you and no one will ever notice," they said.  "Oh, ok, you're right," I agreed.  So, I filed into the choir loft last.....the very end of the line.......and the chair in front of me?  Empty.  "This is just great," I said to myself.  We stood to sing the first hymn and I suddenly felt confident that I could sing it by heart and make better use of my song book.  I woke up and was so relieved that I wouldn't have to change churches after all.   

Ok.  So, I'm thinking.  I've dreamed all of these in the last month and, while I'm no psychotherapist or dream interpreter, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say it would seem that there's something that I am feeling woefully unprepared for in my life. 

Hmmmmmm. 

All I can say for sure is that, whatever it is, it will pale in comparison to trying to hit a high D on national television or discovering wardrobe deficiencies in the Lord's house. 

If you are a psychotherapist or dream interpreter and have found my dreams to suggest something even more disturbing or serious, I don't want to know about it.  Ignorance is not only bliss but it can also be your very best friend. 

So, be careful out there in dreamland, people. 

It can be a dangerous place. 


Sweet dreams, y'all.