I remember the year Blair played Mary in the church Christmas play. I think she was about 5 years old and one of her "since birth" friends, Brock, had snagged the role of Joseph. Since the two actors were so close in real life, the chemistry between Mary and Joseph was sure to translate onto the stage and make the story of Jesus' birth just come alive. Their church friends were to surround them in the spotlight as angels, shepherds, wise men, and miscellaneous farm animals. The set was so adorable. It was going to be a precious reenactment of the nativity.
On the day of the performance, Blair was so excited that it was finally time to fully immerse herself in the role of Mary. All the preparation. The practice. The anticipation. It was time to apply her acting skills for the biggest role she'd ever play in children's churchdom. I mean, being cast as Mary is the church's equivalent to being crowned Miss America or something like that. There's just no greater honor, which can be bestowed and this was the moment for which she'd waited.

They took the stage. Mary sat beside the crude manger bed, which held a swaddled doll as Joseph stood behind her in his supportive way- both on and off the stage. The angels appeared as the narrator read and then entered the shepherds, which was followed by a song. During the song, I noticed that Mary was looking sad. Depressed, really. Then, perhaps, even a look of despair. I wish I had pictures that fully captured her progressive wilting. She'd started out gently leaning over the manger bed, but now she was practically sprawled out across the top of baby Jesus as her head sank lower and lower into the hay. Frankly, she looked like a really bad mother and I was certain that this was not biblical.

As Mary's mother, I sat in the audience trying to decide what was going on with her. Was she suffering from stage fright? Was this her interpretation of a woman, who'd just dismounted a donkey and given birth in a barn without the luxury of an epidural? Was she feeling like she was being upstaged by the angels with their sparkly halos? Was she bored with the scenes that didn't involve her? I didn't know. But, I knew something was going on with our usually animated and bubbly Blair. I remember leaning over to Davis and whispering, "What is wrong with her?!?"
Something was off. She was either giving the portrayal of poor Mary's difficult plight all that she had or she was just over the whole thing. Davis and I were probably the only two to think too much about Mary's peculiar postpartum solemnness and descent onto the manger, but this was a side of Jesus' mother that we'd never seen portrayed in stained glass or on the front of a Christmas card.

After the play was over, we went looking for our little Mary. I had to tell her how wonderfully she'd done in her role. That's what we, mamas, do, you know. We tell our children they did so, so good even when we know in our hearts that they really stunk it up. That's called good parenting. When we found her, I picked her up to kiss her and she was burning up with fever. I pressed my cheek against her forehead and she felt like an oven. The child was sick and apparently felt just awful which, explained her underwhelming performance as the mother of Christ. We discovered a fever of 103 when we got home and there she'd gone and exposed the entire town of Bethlehem to goodness knows what.

All the parents, that night, were seeing the same Christmas story we were, but everyone was zoomed in on their own little piece of it. I don't think anyone even really noticed Blair's particularly unhappy portrayal of the Christ child's mother. The angels' parents looked mainly at the angels and the shepherds' parents were concentrating primarily on them. The wise men's families were solely focused on their arrival from the East, but, from where we were watching, something about that Christmas play was off. There was something wrong and it was all we really noticed.

Maybe from where you are, something is off this Christmas. Eventually, we'll all have a turn at it. Death, sickness, divorce, life changes, separation. There are so many reasons why the celebration of Christmas can feel all wrong, some years. Sometimes, it can be hard to concentrate on the big picture of Christmas when there's something that's just not right from where we're watching the season unfold. I know a lot of people, who'll be having that kind of holiday, this time around. Something is wrong or someone is missing or something has changed and it can feel like we're the only ones, who really even notice. Everyone else is so focused in on the holiday celebration from their own vantage point that we can feel alone in mourning the loss of the way Christmas has always been for us.

There's so much celebrating of the season and talk of being jolly and of good cheer, but it's not always easy to feel those warm fuzzies that we're expected to experience. There's probably no other day of the year that's filled with more sentimental thought and fond memory as Christmas and, when our current situation doesn't match up with those beautiful recollections anymore, well, it's naturally hard to think about much else. 

I don't pretend to know the answers of how to get through those years. We'll all face them eventually if we haven't already. I just know that the reason He was born into this place, which is full of things that are "all wrong" is so that He could offer us hope and peace in those situations. What a mess we made of this world, but He was willing to come into it and live in it and die by its hands, so we could face those days when life seems unbearably sad and forever changed. He came so there would be more to come for those who'd trust Him. A place for eternity where nothing would ever be "off" again.

This year, if you're having a Christmas season that's not quite right in some way, my thoughts are with you and my prayers are for better Christmases ahead as things will get easier. And if life is good for you and everything about your Christmas celebration is shaping up to be like a Hallmark movie, just remember to stop and see the season through the eyes of someone else's circumstances and take time to be kind.

Talk soon.