Wednesday, October 14, 2020
Awkward
Davis and I went to visit Blair and John Samuel this past weekend. It was initially going to be a beach weekend as this is the best beach month, in my opinion, but Hurricane Delta made the conditions not so ideal for that. They've just bought a house, so we went on ahead with our trip and used the beach time to help them get packed and pitched in on some projects. I enjoyed my very first visit to Buc-ee's, did some Christmas shopping (not at Buc-ee's- although I certainly could have), and then we endured four tragic quarters of Mississippi State football together. Remember that time I wrote about our euphoric win over LSU and our optimistic football future? That was a good time.
We got back home to our quiet house where I was reminded again that I'm in this awkward stage of motherhood. It's not all bad. I'm no longer having to pry stiff, little legs through those stroller leg holes. On any given day now, neither of my children pee or spit up on me. Davis and I don't have anyone to hit fly balls to in the yard anymore except each other and, well, that would look pretty stupid. Last week, I found myself in a group chat with the mothers of Ruby's closest dog friends as we tried to coordinate their Halloween costumes. I thought to myself how I used to do that for our actual human children, but I have to work with what I have, these days. When I cook dinner, I don't have to worry that Blair doesn't like pork, bone-in meats, or peas or that Carson hates rice, casseroles, and pasta. That doesn't affect my meal planning now. I'm no longer sitting up to make sure Blair makes it in from her dates. And homecoming at the nearby high school came and went, last week, without so much as one square of toilet paper being deposited in our yard.
No, I feel like I'm in the customer support stage of motherhood. I'm here should anyone have a question or need advice. My line is open 24 hours if I can provide assistance or walk anyone through the troubleshooting process. I am here to provide the complimentary services agreed upon in the eternally- binding parental contract such as the above mentioned moving assistance, dog-sitting services, or serving as an emergency contact number. Otherwise, I'm done with all the heavy lifting of young motherhood.
I'm at a place where I'm slowing down in my work life, too. Just 1 1/2 more years of college to fund and we can both slow down. The gift shops have been bought out and I'm working solely for Davis from home....in my stretchy pants......in front of the TV, which is a really a good gig. The best part is that he's not even here to make sure I'm working or what time I start. I really have more time on my hands than I'm used to and I never found myself in this situation when my kids were in strollers or catching fly balls in the yard or out flinging toilet paper into trees. I'm at that weird time where my kids don't need me as much, but I'm not yet a grandmother with little people digging around in my purse for gum either.
I'm also at a funky, awkward stage of womanhood. I remember my mother around my age and her body became inhabited by a set of triplets. When we came home, we never knew if we were going to get the sweet and normal mother, the evil mother with red, glowing eyes that shot out darts of fire, or the sobbing mother who'd melt into a tear puddle on the floor if you looked at her wrong. I think they called it "The Change" back then. It was a change, all right, and it was a-changin' at the drop of a hat. I'm not quite there yet, but I'm no longer in possession of my once raging metabolism- more of a sputtering one now, which requires that a larger part of my day be spent on the treadmill to keep up. And I feel like I have the worst case of brain fog that just won't lift. You know they say women of a "certain age" can suffer from mental clarity problems. And distracted. I start to blog and then I see something shiny across the room and it's all over. It's all probably hormonal and a little 2020- because, well, 2020 has to shoulder the blame for everything else that's happening, so why not this?
So what do I do with more time on my hands and a foggy brain? Every morning, Facebook reminds me of how many people have checked the M&M page to see if I've posted anything new. That thrills my soul and frustrates me to death all at the same time. It's usual for me to write longer posts, but that's where I'm having trouble. I'll have a thought or an idea that I want to share, but not usually enough to fill a page, so I just end up writing nothing at all. My brain and attention span are functioning in paragraphs instead of essays at the current time, so I'm going to switch to more condensed posts for now. Quick, little reads that will, hopefully, come more frequently. Until the fog clears.
And as for the rest of my free time, I prayed that God would show me how to use it wisely. If there's a need I can meet, a void I can fill, a mission I can accomplish- that's where I want to spend it. Like I said, this awkward stage of motherhood has its perks.
"For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1
Y'all have a good day!
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Once again,you have nailed it! Joni, you are the best at writing the words that express so much of what the rest of us are feeling. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for reading and for your encouragement! Means so much! 😘
DeleteAll so true, Joni! And I, of course, AM in the grandparent stage as well, which is a TON of fun!
ReplyDeleteI hear it’s a lot of fun, Tigeritagirl, and something you can’t understand until you have one! I can’t wait! 🤗
DeleteAlways good to hear from you, whether long or short! I'll take those blogettes anytime. Maybe its a good time to take a hobby or catch up on books you never had time to read - whatever brings you joy. Lol. I'm learning to crochet and dabbling in painting (furniture and canvases). Such fun!
ReplyDeleteCindee, you do my heart good! Thank you! Not much of a painter, but I’ve talked to friends about learning to crochet. Something to think about. 🤔
DeleteJoni,
ReplyDeleteI am in the EXACT life stage that you are in! I can’t remember how I found your blog many years ago, but I remember it was the post about how playground equipment in the 70s was so dangerous. I tried reading it aloud to my husband and teenage son and I was laughing hysterically with tears rolling down my face and they were just staring at me. This is another reason that I love your blog-it helps to know there is a stranger in Mississippi that shares so many things in common with me. Thanks from another Southern empty nester that loves her family and Jesus!