Well, I thought you’d like to hear about our anniversary trip. I bet you assumed I’d be armed with pictures of the sunlight beaming down on wooded trails and group selfies in front of waterfalls. Normally, I would, but this trip, such as it was, is worthy of mention in the annals of vacation disasters. The Clark Griswold vacation package. If nothing else, writing about it will be good therapy for me- which is what Motherhood and Muffin Tops has really been about for the entire month of February, it seems. Can we please just turn the calendar page over already? 

Davis, Ruby, and I left on Wednesday headed to Chattanooga armed with our VRBO reservation confirmation. The kids would be leaving on Thursday to come and join us for a long weekend of enjoying the outdoors with our dogs. It was anticipated to be an emotional reset as well as our anniversary celebration. We’d secured a large, pet-friendly house with 4 bedrooms near the river walk and were excited to spend a few days away with our kids. 

This wasn’t our first rodeo. Through the years, we’ve rented most of our vacation housing through VRBO and have never had anything but wonderful experiences. Communication with the owners is always different. It’s just according to how each one prefers to handle their business. Each owner we’ve dealt with has had their own level of personal correspondence with us, so I didn’t think much about the fact that we hadn’t heard anything from this owner since confirmation in January. Sometimes, we’ve gotten an email the day before our trip wishing us safe travels and a heads up that access information would be sent the next day. I just assumed this renter wasn’t into all that fluff and I was confident we’d receive the access information after the cleaning service finished on check-in day, which is usually when we get door codes or lock box instructions. 

About 3 hours before check-in, I started getting a little nervous. We were halfway to Chattanooga and still no word. I used the messaging system on the VRBO website to reach out for the information we’d need to get into the property. I sent another one, a while later. And another one. No response. I thought maybe they just weren’t checking their inbox and I’d try calling the owner’s phone. By now, we were less than an hour away. No answer. It was time to get VRBO involved. 

So, I started with the live chat option. I initiated a chat and Princess responded. I typed out my issue to her. She quickly replied that she would try to contact the owners using the numbers she had on file and asked me to hold. Princess was gone for a while and finally came back and said she couldn’t reach the homeowners either, but she would continue to try. It was now check-in time and no one could reach them. Princess realized we had a situation on our hands that required more assistance than she could offer. She sent me over to chat with Cardina. Cardina quickly tossed me like a hot potato and gave me a phone number to call with my problem. But, before I made the call, we drove by the property to see what we could see. There sat a vehicle with a Kentucky license plate in the driveway. We started suspecting they’d double-booked and were intentionally avoiding us when they realized it. 

Ruby was in the backseat needing a bathroom break and a walk, so we drove to a nearby Wendy’s to let her use their facilities- aka the grass surrounding their parking lot. While they’re walking around the parking lot, I placed my first call to the number given to me. Mohamed answered. I could tell right away Mohamed and I weren’t from the same neck of the woods. We weren't even from the same woods and I found myself saying, “Pardon?” Repeatedly. “May I have your name and email address? Ok, the property you are calling about is in Chattanooga, USA? Could you tell me the issue I can help you with today?” I explained my problem from the beginning. After 13 minutes, Mohamed saw that we were having trouble communicating and said he would transfer me to another agent who could help me with this problem. 

I was connected to Christina. I could tell that Christina was also not from these parts as she sounded French or something. We were getting closer though. In her heavy accent, she said, “May I have your name and email address? Ok, I see here you are set to check into a property in Chattanooga in the United States. And what is the issue you are having today, Joni?” At this point, I calmly and thoroughly started over at the beginning and explained what had happened to this point. In her broken English, Christina acknowledged this was a frustrating situation and that she would help me find a solution. She began talking about finding somewhere else for us to go for the night courtesy of VRBO and we started discussing dog-friendly hotels. They offered us two free nights. I explained that a hotel was a good solution for one night, but we had 4 more adults and 2 more dogs joining us the next day and a hotel wouldn’t be a good option after that. We were making real headway- even with her Frenchy English and my Mississippi English- we were gaining ground. “Please, hold on the line while I check on some hotels for you.” I hold while the most unsettling music blares in my ear. No matter who I’d talked to, they all had the same stress-spiking tune for my listening pleasure. It was like someone was playing mariachi on a synthesizer in double time. Not what I would’ve chosen for the waiting music for people experiencing problems. Suddenly, the music stopped. I heard a click and then silence. We’d been disconnected…..or, at least, I like to think so and she didn’t just hang up on me. I waited for her to call back but she only sent an email telling me her call back wouldn’t go through. After 29 minutes of talking with Christina and finally getting somewhere, I’d have to start again. 

I called the number. “This is Juan, how can I help you?”  I thought- Juan- ok this is a continent I’ve not talked to yet. I explained that Christina was helping me and we got disconnected. Juan informed me that there was no way I could be reconnected with Christina. I thought surely Christina’s notes will be in the system- I mean- don’t you, people, have a way of exchanging information with each other? That’s when he said, “May I have your email address? Can you confirm your name? Is the property in Chattanooga, United States? By now, I was getting a real international assortment of Chattanooga pronunciations and, so far, they were all incorrect. “Could you describe the problem you are having?” I realize I have to start at the very beginning. All the way through it again. Like I’d never spoken to anyone in the entire company until Juan. My patience had worn thin at this point and I probably spoke to Juan in a harsher manner than my southern upbringing would usually allow, but the sun was starting to set in the west, Ruby had commenced whining for her supper, and we had nowhere to put our heads. I do appreciate Juan’s quick surrender. No need to delay the inevitable. In just 19 minutes, Juan decided he needed to give me another number to call. 

Nicholas answered next. I heard his name and got excited that maybe we, at least, lived on the same continent, but I’m not sure VRBO has any customer representatives that reside in North America. Soon it became clear that we, indeed, did not live in the same geographical region, but we were communicating pretty well. I told Nicholas that I had live-chatted with Princess who bounced me over to Cardina who told me to call Mohamed who switched me over to Christina who dropped the call and sent me to Juan who had handed me over to him.“Could I have your name and email address, please? The property is in Chattanooga, USA?” Oh, geez. After 1 hour and 36 minutes of being on the line with Nicholas, he finally secured a downtown hotel room for Davis, Ruby, and me and we headed in that direction in the darkness that had set in over Chattanooga, USA as they call it. Nicholas seemed more like St. Nicholas at that moment. We would not be sleeping in the car and that was the bright side. 

This story has many layers- not unlike an onion. Also likened to an onion in that parts of it brought me to tears, so I’ll understand if you lose interest before we go down any deeper and you decide to vacuum or clip your toenails instead. For those who may be using this to combat insomnia or strengthen their attention span, here goes the rest. 

So, VRBO put us up in a huge hotel room downtown. They asked us at the front desk if we’d like a ping pong table in our room. There went that word again, “Pardon?” We didn’t realize it was an industrial loft and approximately 1,800 square feet with 2 bathrooms. The only problem was that it was in the very center of downtown. Ruby’s options for the bathroom were a couple of 3x5’ green spaces in the sidewalk around the hotel. Ruby is from the country and she sniffed those 15 square foot options and found not one of them to be an acceptable place to conduct business. Apparently, they didn’t smell just right. The elevator ride down, the cars whizzing by, the police sirens- they only added to her performance anxiety. Davis would take her down to try every hour but she wasn’t having any part of it. Country dog had come to town and it wasn’t suiting her. 

Nope, not going there or there…. or there. I’ll just wait ‘til we get home. 

Before we went to bed, I sent out a group text to Blair, John Samuel, Carson, and his girlfriend, Anna Kathryn. It just explained what had happened and that we’d be finding another home to rent and would send the new address as soon as we could. I’d asked Juan in our 13 minutes conversation if we could go ahead and make a reservation for another property, because we had people joining us and didn’t feel comfortable not having one secured. He strongly advised me not to do that because VRBO gives the owner 24 hours to respond before cancelling the agreement and I’d be on the hook for both. They said we could make a reservation the next morning after the cancellation had been approved. This could have been part of the reason I spoke more harshly to poor Juan. “Oh, it will be approved, Juan,” I assured him. 

So, on Thursday morning, we woke up ready to make our plan B. While Davis was taking Ruby down to the street- practically begging her to relieve herself at this point- I grabbed my phone to find a rental. That’s when I saw we had no cell service. Our phones were on SOS mode. We tried communicating with the kids using wi-fi but only Anna Kathryn replied. Blair and John Samuel were already on their way so they couldn’t receive texts unless they stopped for a wi-fi signal. The news was talking about a widespread event and we didn’t know if it would last 2 hours or 2 weeks. It was check out time. Ruby had been holding it since Wendy’s- a bathroom strike of sorts. We were about to leave any cell service we had behind at checkout. VRBO hadn’t confirmed our cancellation. We had no new reservation. GPS was down without wi-fi and complicated finding things. Four kids were coming our way in three cars at different times and only one had cell service. We surrendered. Tapped out. Waved the white flag. We sent out another text telling the kids not to come to Chattanooga, USA but they were welcome to meet us at our house and we’d treat them to a fun weekend. We could only hope they’d get the word when they stopped for lunch or gas. 

Last layer. We got out of the city and stopped at a McDonald’s in a more sedate suburb. We hoped Ruby could finally let go and let it all out while we checked our messages in the parking lot using their signal. Ruby found their grounds to be more to her satisfaction and, after 15 hours of holding it, she relieved herself for quite a long while. (It’s obvious she never had puppies.) It was at McDonald’s that we got the message from Blair and John Samuel that they were turning around and going home. They’d just gotten an email from their Alabama fertility clinic saying they were suspending their operations until further notice as a result of the recent court ruling that has been widely publicized. You can read about that if you haven’t heard. Just the day before, they’d been told everything was still operating as usual, but things were changing by the hour. Two hours into their trip with no phone service, they decided they had to turn around and go to the clinic in person to see what was happening. With so much invested, they had to do that for their peace of mind. They were tapping out of our fabulous, fun, family fiasco. 

So you’ll know how to continue your prayers for them, they were able to get a face to face appointment with the office staff on Friday. As of now, only the February and March transplants are cancelled. No clinic wants the liability that could come with this ruling. They were told that they expect this to be resolved quickly as Governor Kay Ivey is working to help find a quick solution for IVF patients. The irony is that the ruling is hurting those who want absolutely nothing more than to give those little embryos life. Those who’ve given unbelievable sums of money, sacrificed emotionally, and suffered physically- just for a chance to celebrate the birth of a child. As of now, their appointment to transfer their one little miracle embryo is still April 2. Pray there is some kind of solution that is life-honoring and doesn’t take away these pro-life patients’ chances to have their own babies. Everyone involved seems hopeful. 

So, 18 hours after we arrived in Chattanooga, we were leaving it. It seems like we spent half of those 18 hours in the Wendy’s parking lot and Ruby held it for 15 of them. We received a full refund from VRBO and the property owner has been removed from their service. As we drove off with Chattanooga in the rear view, Ruby looked up toward the front of the car like- I thought I remembered vacations being more fun. You, people, have lost your touch. Don’t do me any more favors by bringing me along. 

So, with Blair and John Samuel eliminated from the survival challenge, Carson and Anna Kathryn let us know that they were still in the game. They met us at our house in time for dinner and we started planning some things we could do around town on our staycation. We did some fine dining. Showed Anna Kathryn a few sights around town. Visited the rooftop of a local hotel. Toured a guitar exhibit at our local Mississippi Arts and Entertainment Museum. Watched Bulldog baseball. Ate at our favorite Italian restaurant. Worked on Otis’s grave and put out his marker that arrived. We went to our land in the country, rode the ATV, and cooked dinner over a fire. Church and lunch with a family friend. It wasn’t anything like what we had planned, but it was a beautiful weekend and so fun to have a 3 day double date with Carson and Anna Kathryn. 

Y’all have a great week! Let me know if I can help you with your travel plans. 

JONI