Monday, September 15, 2014

Things That Make You Go....Hmmm

1) I always read the literature that comes with my prescription.....yeah, I'm that person.  Last week, I started a new medicine that I'd never been on and before taking it, I was educating myself about it.  At the end of all the numerous side effects, were listed the symptoms of an overdose.  "Go to the emergency room immediately if you suspect an overdose.  Symptoms may include coma, fainting, slow heartbeat, hallucinations, seizures, vomiting, and (the real clincher) decreased sexual desire".  Hmmmm.   

So consider this a public service announcement.......just so you know.....if you ever find yourself vomiting, having seizures, and drifting in and out of consciousness with a slow pulse.....stop and ask yourself....."Am I in the mood for sex?"  If the answer is no.....by all means, get yourself to the hospital immediately!  You have probably taken too much of your medicine! 

Why is that so funny to me?  Surely, that last one is only a symptom of a male overdose as they are the only ones who could possibly still be thinking of sex while vomiting and fainting.

2) Carson had some friends over Saturday to watch some football and grill burgers.  Football watching turned into football playing which turned into eating which turned into air soft wars which turned into Xbox-ing.  You all know my deep affinity for the ease of a boy party.  Once you take the cookies out of the oven, there is literally nothing else that has to be done except remain on the premises in the event of a gash to the head or compound fracture. 

Anyway, I spent the better part of the morning cleaning the house in anticipation of their arrival as if there has ever been a 14 year old boy in the history of the world that has ever noticed dust on anything.  I contemplated this oxymoron as I sprayed the Pledge into my dust cloth and also the fact that it would have made much more sense to do this cleaning after the boys left.  Hmmmm.   But......it just goes against my mother's teaching to have even adolescent boys over without a squirt of Clorox under the toilet rims and a hint of Pine-Sol in the air.  It's just not done. 

One of the dads came to pick up his son at the end of the night and as Davis opened the door to greet him, the front porch lights behind him illuminated what was quite possibly the largest spider web ever built by an arachnid.....since the beginning of time.  There it hung outside my front door dangling just a couple of inches over his head.  I had obviously paid so much attention to my inside cleaning that I'd neglected our exterior haunted house façade and it was still early yet to pull it off as an intentional holiday touch.  If I maintained eye contact, maybe he wouldn't notice but......its draw was too great.  My eyes kept drifting up to the illuminated magnificent display of nature tempting to entangle itself in his hair and eventually my stare gave my dirty secret away.

3) Ok, I watched some of the Miss America pageant last night.  So disappointed that Miss Mississippi didn't win!  She got in the top 10 though and we, Mississippians, were all very proud of her.  We take our contestant very seriously around here.  Miss Mississippi is a communications major at Mississippi State and so when a contestant is from your hometown or, as the case may be, from your alma mater, you feel as if you are pulling for a friend of the family.  We start referring to our contestant by her first name as if we've known her all her life and have personally been working with her since she was a child to prepare her for this day.  Facebook was flooded with, "Way to go, Jasmine"....you know.....like we go way back.  That's just the way it is down here.
You really have to admire those girls.  I can't imagine the confindence one must have to be able to walk out there in one of those bikinis with the cameras zooming in on them.  There's not enough bikini wax on this side of the Mississippi to get me out there....as a collective sigh of relief falls across the nation.  You know though, win or lose, every single one of those girls went through the McDonald's drive through and got themselves a double quarter pounder with cheese, large fry, a vanilla shake, and an apple pie on their way back to the hotel.  You know they did!  It's all they could think about after their name wasn't called. 

And while I know that there have been a lot of sneers and controversy swirling around the newly crowned Miss America's red cup performance, you do have to give the girl some credit.  She really went out on a limb there.  As all the finalists sat there with their violins, toe shoes, and grand pianos, waiting to see if they'd be called to perform, she sat confidently clutching her instrument.....the red, plastic cup.  Hmmmmm. 

Sometimes, you have to dare to be different and this time it really paid off as the judges said, "You know what?....We're going to have to go with the plastic cup girl to represent our country for the next year."  So, congratulations, New York!!  We like to think we grow Miss Americas down here as plentiful as our kudzu but, apparently, after three years, we see they're indigenous to New York as well. 

As you can tell, it was really a weekend of non-stop thrills around here.....the stuff that hit television is made of.    

Happy Tuesday, y'all! 



 

          




        

    

6 comments:

  1. i (sometimes) read the side effects instructions too but usually throw caution to the wind and just down those babies! my BFF's son's ex-mother-in-law (got that?!) used to take Xanax and CLAIMED it caused her to have an affair....ever seen that side effect before? Me either!

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    1. Never seen that one before, Judy! Oh my :)

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  2. Positive Side effect. Xanax helps you forget your wife had an affair. ;-)

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    1. That would be a positive for sure! :)

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  3. Thanks for the giggles this morning. It was a hard weekend in my hometown and I needed something to smile about. And...I started a new medicine a couple of weeks ago. Going to check those side effects right now!

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    1. Sorry to hear that, Denice. Hope things get better soon. And yes.....please go check your side effects! :)

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