Monday, March 16, 2015

The Housesitter

Well, we got home late Sunday night from Atlanta.  It was a most successful trip and I can't wait to get into the new store with all the finds! 

Blair is my usual market companion, but it was her spring break and she had plans and they didn't include me.  She went to New Orleans, so Davis tagged along with me.  He worked from his computer at the hotel during the day, while I shopped and then we'd meet up for dinner each night.  It was good for him, because the only way for Davis to relax and rest is to get him out of town where he can't do much work.   

Each morning, we ate the $35 breakfast buffet together at the hotel and, even though it was included with our room, when one eats a $35 breakfast buffet, one feels as if one should eat $35 worth of breakfast.  So....I walked my legs off, but still managed to bring home a couple of extra pounds as a souvenir.   

I had to put down my fork and take a picture of our plates because it so beautifully illustrates the dichotomy that is Davis and me.   

Yes, on many occasions, waiters will instinctively place his grilled fish and spinach in front of me and serve him my filet and potatoes.

There's really little doubt as to who will meet our Lord first.    

Anyway, my sweet mother stayed at our house with Carson and our neurotic dog, Sugar, while we were gone.  Anytime she's over here for more than 30 minutes, she finds a way to make herself useful by cleaning something.  She's just like that.  The family can be here for her birthday party and she'll invariably slip off to the kitchen to start the clean up.  She has the most humble servant's heart and embodies the belief that "Cleanliness is next to Godliness".  I have to admit......that combination staying at your house for four days is not a bad thing.  Not a bad thing, indeed. 

I got a text from Carson Saturday saying that Grandma had dismantled the refrigerator.  "Yeah, she's cleaning the refrigerator and has taken out all the drawers, shelves..... everything."  Let me just assure you that he wasn't kidding either.  I think that our refrigerator was less clean the day that it was delivered here from Sears in its original box and plastic wrappings than it is right now this very minute.  It's the kind of cleaning that I, myself, would never dream of taking the time to do........unless maybe I was put under house arrest for 24 months and, even then, it would be iffy.

Anyway, she is one of the cleanest, most conscientious people I know.  Growing up, our house smelled like a Pine-Sol, Lysol, lemon Pledge cocktail.  Everything was so clean and always smelled so fresh. 

So, just a little background information to my story.....she's never been an animal person either......doesn't like to touch them or be licked by them or have them jump up on her.  It's not that she wishes them any harm, they're just not her thing.  So, you can imagine Sugar's excitement when we told her that her grandmother was coming to stay with her for a few days. 

And also pertinent to the story, there's Carson, who's not known for his strong stomach.  He's one of those.....if you vomit, he vomits kind of people.  I've already started to worry about him being in the delivery room with his future wife.  He'll be that husband on a gurney with a cold rag on his head, while his wife is mumbling under her breath about what a lot of help he is.  Yeah, I don't think he's going to make a doctor as we say here in the South. 

So, all that being said, my mother and Carson got up early Sunday morning to get ready for church.  She cooked him a batch of rich, buttery pancakes from scratch and goodness knows what else.  Causing people's eyes to roll back into their heads with her cooking is one of her many spiritual gifts.  Anyway, his stomach was so full and happy and he was headed back to his room to get dressed when they found it.  Sugar, who was nervous wreck in our absence, had pooped and peed in the dining room of all places.  She's getting old and likes a routine and I suppose she was revolting against the deviation from it by way of her excretory system. 

Ok, so picture this.  You've got a woman, who could be described as the poster child for germaphobia awareness, who doesn't like to touch animals and a weak stomached teenager who gags at the sight of any bodily fluid that doesn't belong to him.......all alone in a house with a dog puddle and a poop pile in the dining room floor.  What in the world are a germaphobe and a gagger to do?   

So, as the story was told to me, they devised a plan.  Carson, the gagger, was to be in charge of the removal of the excrement and his grandmother, the germaphobe, was head of disinfecting the area, another one of her spiritual gifts.  The gagger completed his part without incident.......that is, until he lost his rich, buttery, made from scratch pancakes in the laundry room floor.....leaving yet another area in need of disinfecting.   

Miraculously, they did make it to church.......even though the Devil was clearly at work here that morning. 

I'm not sure why, but when we got home at 10:45 Sunday night, my mother's car was turned around, parked halfway down the driveway, and pointed toward the road.......and Sugar, well, she seemed more than eager to walk her out. 

But, not to worry.  Carson and his grandmother enjoyed a chance to spend some quality time together.  Our dining room and laundry room have been sterilized and could now be used for surgical purposes if need be.  Our frig is all new-like and sparkly.  Bathrooms, never been so shiny and fresh.  Our clothes are all washed, ironed, and starched to the point that Carson probably had trouble sitting down at school today.  And Sugar is at ease, once again, now that everyone is home.  

And we were careful to bring sweet Grandma a nice bag of appreciation gifts for all her troubles.

So good to be back with y'all! 



  1. Three cats, including one geriatric still walking, who consider the two litter boxes optional depending on how they feel that day. Your mom would not do well in my house. But man I could use the cleaning. And what? no call while in the ATL?

    1. Hahaha.......I'll send her over, Charlie! And I told Davis a couple of times that I needed to call you, but, honestly, by the time I got done each day, I was beyond going! I'll be back in July and we'll make plans then!

  2. Write a book Joni! Oh my, I am the designated person who picks and cleans up the bodily fluids. Lucky me. Your mom sounds like my mom, growing up smelling those products. What a sweet heart your husband is, keeping you company. You have a gift for writing and I always look forward to your posts. Have a wonderful day, Kathleen in Az

    1. You're so sweet to me, Kathleen. Thanks for your kind words :)

  3. Hahaha this sounds like my mom and youngest son! Some of his friends were in the CNA program at school and he said, "Mom. Do you know what they have to do?" He was traumatized just thinking about it. Glad you got a clean house out of it!

  4. son can't even watch medical shows on TV! I'm sure they'll both find their calling.........far, far away from the hospitals and Dr. offices. :)