Tuesday, June 2, 2015

The Apple and the Tree

I've been seeing all these people posting their results from the app, Like Parent, and so, of course, I had to try it out.  It's this silly app where you load a picture of each parent and of the child and it tells you who the child looks like using percentages.  I've seen parents doing this all day and I know children everywhere are cringing. 

Here are our results.....
Oh, Blair.  Aren't you the lucky one?  94 is a big number.  Let's look into the crystal ball. 
So, if we assume this is accurate, let me give it to you straight.  There's a 94% chance that your bikini days will come to an abrupt halt after your first child.  You'll likely be on some type of statin drug by your mid-40's.  You'll get this mysterious bulge around your middle at 38 and if your jeans ever slide down below it, they're gone....there's nothing stoppin' them then.  You may notice a trend of making hasty decisions that you later regret.  Prepare yourself for some laugh lines and a predisposition to bags under your eyes that could be mistaken for Samsonite.  You'll keep that thick hair, but with it will come the need to invest in some good quality tweezers and a high magnification mirror.  There's a 94% chance you'll need them.  You'll likely always have good teeth, but may eventually develop trouble eating greasy foods at night.           
Carson, according to this app, looks like there's a 96% chance that you'll want to go ahead and start massaging your scalp to maximize the blood flow to those hair follicles. Your cholesterol will probably always be so low that the doctor will eventually quit checking it, but your wife might frequently complain of your snoring.  This could cause you to be sent to the couch on occasion.  You likely won't ever shop from the Big & Tall catalog, but that's so overrated.  A nose trimmer could be in your future, so go ahead and spend the extra money to get a good one.  Your blue eyes will always knock the ladies out, but they could possibly require glasses one day.  And there's a 96% chance that you'll be the saver, not the spender, in your marriage.  You'll likely always have the patience of Job, but, eventually, you may develop a sensitivity to strong smells and poor sleep quality.          
Looks like the app thinks I lean more toward looking like my Mama.  I remember when I was a teenager living at home. When I'd need to ask her a question, I'd go into my parents' room where she was getting dressed and I remember thinking........"Well, bless her heart".  I mean, after all, she had a little extra baggage around her middle, not a tan line in sight, and, well, her skin just wasn't taut like mine in some places.......kind of like what Blair must be thinking when she comes into my room now.    

Anyway, when you're 16....or 21, you're like....."Good grief, what is that?"  I remember thinking, "well, I obviously don't take after her", as I'd looked down pridefully at my stomach, which was flat enough to play Jenga on.  I could count my ribs as I stood there, my hip bones protruded out far enough to put a short person's eye out, and, if I looked hard enough, I could even see a faint outline of each of my internal organs, so I breathed a sigh of relief that I'd obviously dodged some genetic bullets.  All that relief would make me hungry, so I'd go eat a bag of chips and a dozen peanut butter cookies for a bedtime snack to keep my weight from dropping below 100.  I hate the 16 year old me.

With time, life has a way of coming back and smacking your inner 16 year old in the face, though.
I'm sure my brothers had similar thoughts as they were probably certain that nothing would ever grow out of their ears, their hair would remain as dark as chocolate, and their midsections would always stay behind their belts where they belonged.

It's awesome when you're 45 and someone tells you that you look like your mother, but when you're 17 or 21 and they say that......well, that's a different story.  I can imagine Blair's inner voice now....."Oh my word!  You mean the lady with the pants that have that elastic band that comes up over her navel and the little hair that grows out of the mole on her chin and the sunspots on her arms that make them look like a Jackson Pollock painting and the veins that stick way up on the back of her hands and those shoes she wears with the word, "comfort" on the box?  I look like her?" 

Yeah.....sorry, Blair. 

94% sorry.      

Now that I'm all grown up and people tell me that I look like my Mama, I'm flattered.  She's beautiful.  She has pretty eyes, a sweet smile and a cute, little figure and she's even more breathtaking on the inside.  She's a precious lady......in every way. 

If I'm just 1% like her, the 47 year old me is doing pretty well.

Y'all have a good day! 






  1. Interesting app. Our daughter looks more like me, but has her dad's personality. Wonder if there's an app for that? Ha! Again Joni, your writing and observations are spot on! Kathleen in Az

    1. I had fun with it! I don't think it's very accurate, but it's a lot of fun! Thanks, Kathleen!

  2. Love this!! It's the first I've heard of the app, but so enjoyed seeing your results (and the descriptions that followed)! I don't need an app to tell me my son not only looks just like me, but also inherited my stubborn tendencies and his dad's sensitivity...bless his heart (and mine!).

    1. I know what you mean, Amanda! Don't you hate when you see not so great personality traits in your kids and you know exactly where they came from! Yikes!

  3. Love this column. Thanks for sharing.

    1. Thanks, Choirmom. Thank you for reading :)