Wednesday, March 26, 2014

A Little Outpatient Procedure

Well, we've had a long day at the hospital.  Davis had a little outpatient surgery today.  I've noticed how when somebody stops right there at the "little outpatient surgery" part and doesn't go on to tell you what the surgery is on, then we assume that it's something personal and embarrassing.  And if they don't give us enough information the first time around, then we'll throw in a concerned, "Well, I hope it's nothing serious", which is their cue to fill us in on what the problem is.  To avoid all of those steps, I'll just tell you that Davis had some work done on his nose.  Oh wait a minute, now that sounds like he had cosmetic surgery.  Davis would never have cosmetic surgery.  No, his nose has been all messed up for years from an old break and he could barely breathe out of the thing.  The doctor said he sees a nose as bad as his about once a year.  This caused his breathing to be so loud that sleeping with him could be likened to sharing a bed with Darth Vader.  Darth Vader and Sleep Diva don't make a good combination. 
                               
When you're having any type of medical procedure, I love how they tell you to get to the hospital three hours before the doctor even wakes up.  There were some "no shows" today, so Davis got bumped up, but it's usually like, "We're going to need you to get here at 5:30 sharp, so that we can get started promptly at 11:30 just before you expire from hunger and thirst".  I could never work at a hospital.  They get started way too early around there and I can tell you that you wouldn't want me to do any kind of work on you at 6:00 am.  I was starting to wish that I was having something done, so at least, I could go back to sleep like Davis was getting to do.   

While he was gone, I was on Pinterest and Facebook trying to pass the time, but it didn't take long for my phone battery to wane.  I had my charger, but you know you can't just go unplugging things in a hospital room.  There I was, inspecting the assortment of plugs...."Let's see now... this gray one looks like it may be only marginally important....Ooops....sorry." 

While my phone charged, I began to entertain myself with other things in the room.  The view of the city was nice for about 2 minutes.  An episode of "Frasier" zapped another half hour.  Then I found this chart and tried to rate the pain I was in from getting up so early.  I was ready with my answer had the nurse asked me.....I was going to go with 8.  The "8" face seemed to best describe the way I was feeling.

And let's talk about hospital gowns for a moment.  Why even bother?  They provide no sense of privacy.  When you check in, they might as well just say...."Just take off your clothes and get over it", because a hospital gown has never helped anyone's feelings of modesty.  And nobody looks good in them.....except on "The Young and the Restless".  Ever notice how soap opera characters are always in the hospital?  And even when they're in a coma, they look stunning and somehow when they come out of surgery at the Genoa City General Hospital, they don't look like a crack addict with Cyndi Lauper hair like the rest of us. 

I was glad when they finally brought him back to the room.  That was entertainment in itself.  I thoroughly enjoyed the post anesthesia Davis.  I don't think he's talked that much in our whole married life.  Let's see.....he talked about retirement, turkey hunting, the benefits of synthetic oil, and coffee.  Then he talked about retirement, turkey hunting, the benefits of synthetic oil, and coffee.  Then he talked about retirement, turkey hunting, the benefits of synthetic oil, and coffee.  I was so ready for the amnesia property of the anesthesia to wear off. 

I don't really claim to be a great nurse, but every now and then, I think it's good for couples to have to care for one another in their compromised states...helping put on shoes, feeding them chicken, holding IV bags, and putting the straw to their mouth.  It's good practice, I think, for the coming golden years.  Let's face it......one day, one of us will end up being the straw holder and the other the straw sucker.  That's just the way life usually ends up in marriages.  With Davis' commitment to good health, I expect that I'll be the straw sucker.  Either way, you do what you gotta do. 

Anyway, we're home, settled in, and doped up, so we're all good.....unless this recovery drags out too long, at which point, I may have to dip into some of these pill bottles.  Hopefully, this surgery will provide some relief for me......I mean Davis.... yeah, hopefully this surgery will provide some relief for Davis.

In all seriousness, I'm glad that's over for him and that he's doing well.  It's my privilege to take care of someone who always takes such good care of me.    




8 comments:

  1. Well, I am glad it was nothing serious. ;-) Great Read Joni. Thank You. Hope you're soon to be quiet nights are music to your ears. And oh yeah, Hope Davis gets well soon as well.

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    1. Thank you, Charlie......I'm looking forward to it! I'll tell the patient you wished him well! :)

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  2. I love the faces on the pain chart! Too funny! I wish Davis a speedy recovery.

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  3. Joni, I have become so fond of your posts! Being a "sleep diva" myself and being married to a "Darth Vader" noisemaker, I can identify with the relief you hope will come for you--I mean Davis! The golden years have arrived for us and they are lovely, so you have nothing to worry about!! Even the nightly noise is bearable, especially with some magical wax earplugs!!

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    1. Haha.....I can give you the number of his surgeon if you need it!! Thanks for the report from the golden years....good to hear, jee jee!

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  4. Glad the surgery went well and I hope the recovery does, too! I've been reading your blog for a couple weeks and I love the humor in it! :)

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    1. I really appreciate that, normaleverydaylife! :)

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