Monday, March 3, 2014

And the Oscar Goes to. . .

Well, I watched the Oscars last night.  I'm not what you'd call a movie buff, so it's hard for me to get much out of a show that doles out awards for a bunch of movies and documentaries I've never seen.  I know this is sad, but I believe the only movies I saw in 2013 were "Monster's University" and "Madea's Christmas" and, to the surprise of everyone, neither was nominated for any awards.

I have just a few, random thoughts about the night.

1)  A mammogram is less revealing than some of those necklines.  It's hard for me to wrap my brain around the confidence that one would have to possess to wear a dress that plunges right down to your ovaries on national television.  I guess it's just difficult for me to relate to people donning Armani and Versace.  I don't get exposed to that much at TJ Maxx.

2)  I found it amusing that JC Penney was such a big sponsor of the Oscars.  I suppose they just wanted to show their appreciation for a room full of people, who have never stepped foot in their store.  I didn't see any Worthington or St. John's Bay on the red carpet.

3)  Was it just my imagination or is there a trend in tuxedos to get the jacket just a touch too tight and the pants just a hair too short?

4)  It seems that John Travolta's eyes get smaller and smaller as he gets older.  Sally Fields looks exactly the same as she did in the cemetery that day when she just wanted to hit somebody until they felt as bad as she did.  Goldie looked like she'd had some work done......maybe even went a little "Overboard".  And can you imagine finding out Meryl Streep is in your category?  That'd be like Bill Nye's kid being in your child's science fair or running against Dave Ramsey for PTA treasurer.......pack it up and go home.

5)  I feel that everyone, who made it up those stairs in those long, flowing gowns without breaking any of their vertebrae, should have been awarded two of those golden statues.  I wouldn't want to win just because of the steps......"Please, don't call me.  Please, don't call me."

6) I guess ordinary moms just don't really relate to people, who arrive places in stretch limos, laden with thousands of dollars in jewelry, and step out into an explosion of camera flashes.  The last time I rode in a limo was to Cici's Pizza with Carson's kindergarten class, who'd met their goal in the cookie dough fundraiser and the only flashes I saw as we got out were those associated with my migraine headache.

7)  I think they should have an Oscar night for regular moms.  We could all get dressed up in our Dress Barn finery and drive our Toyotas right up to the door.  There'd be categories like....Best Performing Actress when Opening Lotion from the Dollar Tree on Mother's Day......Best Supporting Actress in a Husband's Attempt to Fix the Plumbing Himself......Best Costume Design for Jane Jetson in the 2nd Grade School Play......Best Filming of a 4 and under Soccer Game......and Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role of Cleaning up after Everyone.  Now those are some awards for which I could be nominated. 

8)  The presenters for the Best Visual Effects stated that the contenders in this category are the unsung heroes of film, but I'd have to disagree.....that would be the mothers who pay $9.50 a head to get a herd of children into a movie and then $45 for a bucket of popcorn, a box of Ju Ju fruits, and a Coke, manage to stay awake all the way through Spiderman and who's feet stick to the floor each of the eight times they have to get up and take someone to the bathroom.  Those, my friends, are the unsung heroes. 

9)  Periodic glimpses of Matthew McConaughey were enough to keep me tuned in all night.  Oh mercy, God does some beautiful work.  And when he humbly acknowledged that his accomplishments were not of his hands, but God's, it was like the glaze on a hot donut. 

10)  May we all recognize the things of this world that are not of our hands and give thanks to the Hands from which they are given to us....... and always work to give Him our best performance.



  1. I popped over from Sophie's blog and have been thoroughly enjoying you this morning! Can't wait to read a little more...right after I homeschool the kids.

    1. Thanks for stopping by and the kind words!

  2. Loved #7 and #8. Enjoying catching up on this wonderful, funny blog.

  3. Joni, I'm so glad to find your blog (via Sophie). I'm enjoying it immensely! We have a lot in common, not the least of which is a thrifty husband for whom we might win awards for best supporting actress. : ) Looking forward to following you!

  4. Oh Becky, we could be good friends! Wives of thrifty husbands need a support system. I'm glad Sophie sent you.....she's all sorts of wonderful! Thanks for your encouragement!

  5. Dollar tree lotion...glaze on the donut...I cannot stop laughing. I will be back to read more :)

  6. I have laughed on and off all day, catching up on your blog! It's awesome! Please keep up the excellent work! I have 17 year old twin girls and can so relate to some of your "Blair" material! I'm an avid follower from here on out!

    1. Oh thank you, Belinda! I really appreciate that! I can't imagine having to buy two of everything that I buy for Blair! Bless you, child! What a blessing though :)