There once was a very nice man, who couldn't think of anything to get his lovely wife for Valentine's Day.  He thought and thought, but nothing came to him.  Although he was a very nice and talented man, gift giving was not one of his stronger suits.       

He considered flowers, but he knew that sending a dozen roses to a floral designer for Valentine's Day would be like sending a dozen dry erase markers to a teacher.  Just too work related.   

He thought about chocolate, but he knew his lovely wife had a triglyceride problem and since he wished to keep her loveliness around him for as long as possible, he decided that idea was off the table, too.

He'd already bought her perfume for Christmas and he'd tried to pick out clothes for her before and he knew that didn't go well.   

Finally, he decided to just come out and ask his lovely wife what she'd like for Valentine's Day. 

The lovely wife pondered the question for a minute and replied,  "I would like you to paint the family room".

"Paint the family room?  Are you sure?", he asked. 

"Yes, I would love for you to paint the family room", she said.

The nice man went away, secretly regretting that he'd asked his wife what she wanted.  He thought that had he just bought her one of those large stuffed apes at Walgreen's or ordered her a Pajama-Gram like he'd seen on TV, he would have had a free weekend to do as he pleased, but the very nice man was a man of his word. 

The nice man didn't hire a painter, because the nice man never hired anyone to do anything that he could do......or anything that he thought he could do.......or anything that he could learn to do..........or anything that he'd seen someone else do......or anything that someone told him he could do......or anything that someone told him he couldn't do.......or anything that he could watch YouTube and then do.  It just wasn't in the nice man. 

The lovely wife picked out the perfect color, spiced vinegar, which was a lot prettier than it sounded and the nice man got out his extra tall ladder and brushes and tarps and rollers.
It came to pass that during the painting, his very lovely wife came down with a case of pink eye.....just in time for Valentine's Day.  She sat in her chair and watched him paint through her itching, bloodshot eyes.  The nice man looked over at her as he painted and thought, "I am one lucky man this Valentine's Day.  There's nothing sexier than a woman whose eyelids are stuck together and to think she's all mine.....and here I am, blessed to be inside painting on this most beautiful afternoon, too.  Someone pinch me."  The nice man was beside himself with joy.     

He suggested that he and his ailing wife order take out for their Valentine meal, because of......well, the popular belief that conjunctivitis and eating in public don't go all that well together.  And so it was that they enjoyed a steak in the privacy of their own home.   

Two days later, the nice man had finished filling nail holes, sanding, dusting baseboards, edging, removing and reinstalling switch plates, and applying two coats of the spiced vinegar.....which was, again, prettier than it sounded.  By this time, the lovely wife's eye drops had started to take effect, her vision had become clearer, and she was most pleased with his gift. 

The lovely wife knew that she had married a very nice man.   

And the very nice man had learned a valuable lesson.   

The End.