Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Delicate Matters

With our four male readers, we, sometimes, entertain mixed company here on Motherhood and Muffin Tops, so it's not often that we cover subjects that are delicate in nature.  However, I though it was time that we brought an important, often overlooked, topic out from the dark shadows and into the light.  After all, we are all adults here.

It is a subject to which most women can relate, yet many choose to deal with it in silence.....all alone.  A struggle that is only made more ominous by its concealment.  One that can make a woman feel she has no one to talk to about it.  The struggle of which I speak is that which arises when one sends a man to the store for feminine products.  Yes, I know.... you are all saying, "Oh, thank goodness......I'm not the only one who wrestles with feels so liberating to get this out in the open."  And that is precisely what we strive to do here.    

Well, my other half was stopping by the store on his way home from work this week and so his first mistake was to ask me if I needed anything.  "Well, come to think of it, I do need a couple of girl things."  I could tell by his text reply that the only way that he could've been more excited at that moment was if he were prepping for a colonoscopy.  I could sense his eagerness in each and every word.  But.....he loves me and even though feminine protection is not really covered in the traditional marriage vows, he agreed to take one for the team, despite the fact that he was not legally bound to do so.  And what greater love is there than for a man to voluntarily delve into the long stretch of blue, pink, and white feminine packages marked with enough descriptions, forms, sizes, and variations to make even a seasoned gynecologist scratch his head.

I think this was only the second time in 23 years that I'd sent him on an errand of this nature as I recognize the overwhelming aspect of the task as well as its accompanying awkwardness for the male.  All that to say.....he is not as fluent in feminine shopping as some of his counterparts.   He's just not been given the chance to flourish in this area and that is completely my fault.

So, anyway, I texted him about what I needed and never thought about it again..........that is until I started to get pictures texts from him.  "These?".....the text aksed.  "OK, no......the first problem I see is that you need to get out of the store brands, Dave Ramsey.  This is not an area in which we skimp."  Then, comes, "These?"......"Well, that looks like it could be used for wall insulation....are you in Hardware?"  So, then I get another picture, "These?"........"No, not those.  Does that box look pink?  I think you may have crossed over into the incontinence section."  "These?........These?  These?.......These?....These?"  The pictures started coming rapid the spray of machine gun bullets.  I believe he photographed most of the products manufactured by Procter and Gamble. 

I'm sure there were nearby children tugging at their mothers' dresses, "Mommy, why is that man taking pictures of those things you keep in your purse?"......."I don't know, but don't you dare get out of my sight", I can imagine mothers said as they pulled their children close.    

I had flashbacks of the night I found my friend's husband on the feminine care aisle....all alone.  He was just standing there staring blankly at the 20 feet of shelving lined with an array of absorbent materials...looking at it like it was Mt. Rushmore or something.  He appeared to be in awe......his mouth hanging open....his eyes glazed over.  I immediately recognized that he'd been sent on a "feminine" mission and had become overwrought as he faced the perplexing assignment.  I wanted to do what I could to help him with this most sensitive matter, so I discreetly walked over and simply pointed to a box, tapped it gently, and walked away.  We never made eye contact, but his appreciation was understood.       

You can never be sure if failure in these cases is genuine or purposeful to avoid future assignments. helps to know you're not alone.                 



  1. Great post and so true! Actually so many choices now, I feel their pain. I had to call my daughter a few times to verify that I bought the right one. And yes, not generic brands either. Kathleen in Az

  2. It is a confusing process, Kathleen. It's why I don't ask much......just once every 12.5 years. :)