I know I'm all alone in this, but I'm just gonna come right out and say it.........I don't watch any of these new shows that everyone is so crazy about.  There.  I said it. 

No, I'm not into Dancing With the Stars, American Idol, Blue Bloods, The Walking Dead, House of Cards, Castle, The Bachelor, Secrets and Lies, Scandal.  I couldn't tell you one thing about any of them.  As a matter of fact, I had to Google their names. 

The other night, my Facebook newsfeed was full of gloom and despair and spoiler alerts about a doctor dying and I'm over here like, "Oooo, it's almost time for Everybody Loves Raymond.  As long as they don't kill off Trapper John, M.D., I'm good.

I know.  I must live under a rock. 

I'll even take it a step farther......besides some HGTV shows, I really don't watch many shows that began airing after the 80's or maybe early 90's.  I'm a TV classics kind of girl.  A Nick at Night fan. A watcher of Netflix archives.  Even the shows' old theme songs make me happy........like Mary Tyler Moore, St. Elsewhere, Hillstreet Blues, Sanford and Son, Mad About You, Cheers, Taxi.

I don't really have anything against the new stuff or, at least, I don't know enough about it to have an opinion.  Maybe those old shows bring up warm, nostalgic memories of younger days.  Or maybe I enjoy the simpler, more innocent story lines.  Maybe I like seeing the old cars, outfits, hairstyles, and electronics of the day.  Maybe I just enjoy the less cautious ribbing.  Whatever the reason, it's just what I prefer. 

I was thinking about some of those old shows and cartoons and thought how some of them just wouldn't fly today.  Too much PC now for the old school lineup.  If they brought them back, some major adjustments would have to be made.  Plots would be forced to take some serious turns.

We'd find Fat Albert's friends, Rudy, Bucky, Russell, and Chuck, in mandatory sensitivity training for labeling him and Dumb Donald so negatively.

The Beverly Hillbillies are confronted by the HOA and, after the third notice about Ellie's chicken coop and Jed's truck parked in the driveway, they find themselves in the middle of an ugly lawsuit.

Elmer Fudd's home is surrounded by naked PETA demonstrators covered in fake blood.

Dr. Johnny Fever at WKRP is sued for sexual harassment, stemming from an incident in which he calls Jennifer, "Hot Babe".

Archie Bunker and George Jefferson are sent to diversity training.
Mary Tyler Moore, once a trailblazer, becomes the poster girl for the glass ceiling and the republican war against women.

Lucy and Ethel are looking for work after the chocolate factory closes and production is moved overseas.

Eddie Haskell is slapped for holding the door for a lady.   

Opie Taylor is suspended for using his finger as a pistol in a playground game of cops and robbers. 

Aunt Esther is warned that waving her big Bible around on the bus makes the atheist groups feel threatened and is in violation of their civil rights.

Wile E. Coyote is be picked up and questioned by the FBI for his stockpile of explosives and large supply of gun powder......as well as all the children who watch the program.   

Mister Rogers is sad to learn Mr. McFeely was affected by the massive Postal Service layoffs. 

Marcus Welby is sued for malpractice and decides to go ahead and retire with all the new cuts in Medicare and Medicaid payments to doctors. 

The Love Boat is forced to scrap the towel sculptures and free drinks on the Lido Deck to help cover the legal costs from the time they were stalled at sea for six days.  Oh, the millions of dollars of emotional pain and suffering that caused.
   
Bo and Luke Duke pose a threat to children and youth by modeling risky behaviors and are given a pink slip.  

June Cleaver is criticized for staying home and forfeiting a career for family.  She is pulled for being a poor example for young girls.

Everyone on Gilligan's Island dies, unable to survive with no cell service. 

The Olsens go to court to fight to keep the nativity scene outside their mercantile and Rev Alden is asked to turn in his sermon notes to the new Walnut Grove mayor for review. 

Samantha arranges for Darrin and Endora to appear on Dr. Phil in an effort to try and work out their in-law differences.

The skit about the Martians trying to figure out the telephone is pulled from Sesame Street because of its insensitivity to aliens. "Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep."      

Mrs.Wiggins is now to be referred to as an administrative professional by Mr. Tudball. 

Nellie Olsen is expelled from school after the implementation of the school district's zero tolerance policy on bullying. 

Howard Cunningham's hardware store goes belly up soon after the new Walmart comes to town.  He's now rolling back prices as assistant manager of their hardware department and Marian goes to work to help make ends meet.  Richie and Joanie become latch key kids.   

Yosemite Sam stirs outrage among gun control activists with his open carry and his "Guns don't kill people, I kill people" bumper sticker.  

Tootie, Blair, Jo, and Natalie are all presented with participation trophies at the Eastland School awards program, so that no one is made to feel inferior.

Flo, Vera, and Alice can't afford the mandated insurance and have to take second jobs.

Mork pays $500,000 to catch a ride back to Ork....a stopover on the one-way flight to Mars for rich idiots.

Mike and Carol Brady unload the station wagon in the Cash for Clunkers program in an effort to reduce their carbon footprint. 

Andy and Barney refuse to remove the American flag bunting from the Mayberry bandstand even though it is reported to be offensive by some, who see the flag as a symbol of oppression and superiority. 

Ralph, the Jefferson's doorman resigns after being ordered to greet tenants with  "Happy Holidays" as opposed to "Merry Christmas" amid complaints from residents of having religion forced upon them when entering the building. 

Child services pays James Evans a visit when neighbors report his spanking of JJ.  JJ sues his parents.  "Dynomite!"

George Jefferson of Jefferson Cleaners gets hot under his starched collar when he's told he and Weezy didn't build that. 

Jon and Ponch take mandatory furlough time as part of a plan to solve California's budget deficit.

The Cookie Monster is renamed the Carrot Stick Monster under growing pressure from the Let's Move program.

I don't know, y'all.

I think I'll stay back three or four decades with my old shows.  Y'all go on ahead without me. 

I might even get myself an old console television set that I have to get up and turn the dial to change the channel......maybe even a VCR and a hot air popcorn popper with the butter melting dish on top.   

I kind of like it back there when life was simpler on TV.

Real life, too. 

Have a good one, y'all!!