Tuesday, April 28, 2015

I Heart TV Classics

I know I'm all alone in this, but I'm just gonna come right out and say it.........I don't watch any of these new shows that everyone is so crazy about.  There.  I said it. 

No, I'm not into Dancing With the Stars, American Idol, Blue Bloods, The Walking Dead, House of Cards, Castle, The Bachelor, Secrets and Lies, Scandal.  I couldn't tell you one thing about any of them.  As a matter of fact, I had to Google their names. 

The other night, my Facebook newsfeed was full of gloom and despair and spoiler alerts about a doctor dying and I'm over here like, "Oooo, it's almost time for Everybody Loves Raymond.  As long as they don't kill off Trapper John, M.D., I'm good.

I know.  I must live under a rock. 

I'll even take it a step farther......besides some HGTV shows, I really don't watch many shows that began airing after the 80's or maybe early 90's.  I'm a TV classics kind of girl.  A Nick at Night fan. A watcher of Netflix archives.  Even the shows' old theme songs make me happy........like Mary Tyler Moore, St. Elsewhere, Hillstreet Blues, Sanford and Son, Mad About YouCheers, Taxi.

I don't really have anything against the new stuff or, at least, I don't know enough about it to have an opinion.  Maybe those old shows bring up warm, nostalgic memories of younger days.  Or maybe I enjoy the simpler, more innocent story lines.  Maybe I like seeing the old cars, outfits, hairstyles, and electronics of the day.  Maybe I just enjoy the less cautious ribbing.  Whatever the reason, it's just what I prefer. 

I was thinking about some of those old shows and cartoons and thought how some of them just wouldn't fly today.  Too much PC now for the old school lineup.  If they brought them back, some major adjustments would have to be made.  Plots would be forced to take some serious turns.

We'd find Fat Albert's friends, Rudy, Bucky, Russell, and Chuck, in mandatory sensitivity training for labeling him and Dumb Donald so negatively.

The Beverly Hillbillies are confronted by the HOA and, after the third notice about Ellie's chicken coop and Jed's truck parked in the driveway, they find themselves in the middle of an ugly lawsuit.

Elmer Fudd's home is surrounded by naked PETA demonstrators covered in fake blood.

Dr. Johnny Fever at WKRP is sued for sexual harassment, stemming from an incident in which he calls Jennifer, "Hot Babe".

Archie Bunker and George Jefferson are sent to diversity training.
 
Mary Tyler Moore, once a trailblazer, becomes the poster girl for the glass ceiling and the republican war against women.

Lucy and Ethel are looking for work after the chocolate factory closes and production is moved overseas.

Eddie Haskell is slapped for holding the door for a lady.   

Opie Taylor is suspended for using his finger as a pistol in a playground game of cops and robbers. 

Aunt Esther is warned that waving her big Bible around on the bus makes the atheist groups feel threatened and is in violation of their civil rights.

Wile E. Coyote is be picked up and questioned by the FBI for his stockpile of explosives and large supply of gun powder......as well as all the children who watch the program.   

Mister Rogers is sad to learn Mr. McFeely was affected by the massive Postal Service layoffs. 

Marcus Welby is sued for malpractice and decides to go ahead and retire with all the new cuts in Medicare and Medicaid payments to doctors. 

The Love Boat is forced to scrap the towel sculptures and free drinks on the Lido Deck to help cover the legal costs from the time they were stalled at sea for six days.  Oh, the millions of dollars of emotional pain and suffering that caused.
   
Bo and Luke Duke pose a threat to children and youth by modeling risky behaviors and are given a pink slip.  

June Cleaver is criticized for staying home and forfeiting a career for family.  She is pulled for being a poor example for young girls.

Everyone on Gilligan's Island dies, unable to survive with no cell service. 

The Olsens go to court to fight to keep the nativity scene outside their mercantile and Rev Alden is asked to turn in his sermon notes to the new Walnut Grove mayor for review. 

Samantha arranges for Darrin and Endora to appear on Dr. Phil in an effort to try and work out their in-law differences.

The skit about the Martians trying to figure out the telephone is pulled from Sesame Street because of its insensitivity to aliens. "Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep."      

Mrs.Wiggins is now to be referred to as an administrative professional by Mr. Tudball. 

Nellie Olsen is expelled from school after the implementation of the school district's zero tolerance policy on bullying. 

Howard Cunningham's hardware store goes belly up soon after the new Walmart comes to town.  He's now rolling back prices as assistant manager of their hardware department and Marian goes to work to help make ends meet.  Richie and Joanie become latch key kids.   

Yosemite Sam stirs outrage among gun control activists with his open carry and his "Guns don't kill people, I kill people" bumper sticker.  

Tootie, Blair, Jo, and Natalie are all presented with participation trophies at the Eastland School awards program, so that no one is made to feel inferior.

Flo, Vera, and Alice can't afford the mandated insurance and have to take second jobs.

Mork pays $500,000 to catch a ride back to Ork....a stopover on the one-way flight to Mars for rich idiots.

Mike and Carol Brady unload the station wagon in the Cash for Clunkers program in an effort to reduce their carbon footprint. 

Andy and Barney refuse to remove the American flag bunting from the Mayberry bandstand even though it is reported to be offensive by some, who see the flag as a symbol of oppression and superiority. 

Ralph, the Jefferson's doorman resigns after being ordered to greet tenants with  "Happy Holidays" as opposed to "Merry Christmas" amid complaints from residents of having religion forced upon them when entering the building. 

Child services pays James Evans a visit when neighbors report his spanking of JJ.  JJ sues his parents.  "Dynomite!"

George Jefferson of Jefferson Cleaners gets hot under his starched collar when he's told he and Weezy didn't build that. 

Jon and Ponch take mandatory furlough time as part of a plan to solve California's budget deficit.

The Cookie Monster is renamed the Carrot Stick Monster under growing pressure from the Let's Move program.

I don't know, y'all.

I think I'll stay back three or four decades with my old shows.  Y'all go on ahead without me. 

I might even get myself an old console television set that I have to get up and turn the dial to change the channel......maybe even a VCR and a hot air popcorn popper with the butter melting dish on top.   

I kind of like it back there when life was simpler on TV.

Real life, too. 

Have a good one, y'all!!    









12 comments:

  1. Hi! I no longer blog, but HAD to leave a comment. This post reads like a transcript of my husband and I talking about our TV favorites. We honestly thought we were the only people that liked the old shows, know nothing about the new shows, and plan to keep it that way. We, too, go through the old classics on Netflix when we want to watch a bit of TV. We love the shows you listed and would add Newhart, The Bob Newhart Show, and Golden Girls, among others. My husband makes the same comments as you about how the plots would have to be changed nowadays to see any air time. I only recently found your blog and am liking it a lot. Great minds think alike and all that, haha. Thanks for the encouraging post.

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    1. Awww, thanks, Miss Dishywoo! Thanks for reading and being encouraging. And yeah, I haven't thought about Newhart and Bob Newhart in a long time! Those were definitely good ones. I think I've seen every Golden Girl episode ever recorded! Good stuff :)

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  2. Please pop enough popcorn for the both of us, I'm coming over to watch the classics with you. Loved, loved this post. I'll stick with the "oldies" for all the same reasons you mentioned. Love your blog!

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    1. Thanks, Teresa!! I'll make two batches of popcorn and melt extra butter! Come on over!

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  3. Oh my word yes!! POP has been running Love Boat on Saturdays and I have to watch. It reminds me of summer break when I was in junior high, stuck way out in the boonies with no way to get anywhere. My friend and I would watch Love Boat while we stayed on the phone with each other. Our party line LOVED that, I'm sure.

    And have you ever seen the pilot episode from All in the Family? I don't know that they air that one much, I don't know if they could now.

    And Mary Tyler Moore and the glass ceiling...ha!! Loved that one!!

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    1. Hahahaha......What could be more fun than watching the Love Boat while talking to your best friend?! Sounds like a good summer to me. :) And no, I've not seen the pilot for All in the Family. I have to look into this POP channel you speak of. We have so many channels, so I don't know if we have that one or not. Thanks, Carla!

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  4. I have the station POP too. I must confess, I love watching Miami Vice, but after last nights episode, I had to laugh thinking of your take on it. Mmmm Sonny Crocket designer clothes, mmmm on the take? And Father Knows Best! I'm just fascinated how they dress so formally for everyday. I grew up watching it, along with That Girl! Fun post Joni, Kathleen in Az

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    1. I have to look into this POP channel, Kathleen!! I need this!

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  5. ...and I thought I was the only person not watching the new shows! Give me Andy and Barney any day!

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    1. Amen, Wendy! You can rest assured that there's, at least, one other person in the world who's as clueless as you about all the new stuff. Come over and we'll watch some good tv together. :)

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  6. I'm with you! I cannot stomach most of what is on TV right now. I prefer to watch TCM. Even HGTV leaves me a little empty lately. I have watched the series TURN: Washington's Spies on AMC despite a handful of overtly sexy scenes which seem unnecessary. I love the historical story which is mostly true.

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    1. I've never seen those, Linda. I'll have to check them out!

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