Tuesday, April 21, 2015

That House with the Old Sofa in the Yard

This past weekend, Davis and I worked on transforming our fourth bedroom from the kids' TV/gaming room to a proper guest room.  We had a sleeper sofa in there and that was the closest thing we had to an extra bed, so someone would invariably get booted out of their bedroom when we had overnight guests. 
When we moved in this house ten years ago, the thought was that the kids needed a place to watch movies and play video games with their friends without being right up under us.  This set-up worked well, but, as they've gotten older, we decided a guest room was becoming the more pressing need.

I'd purchased the bed, mattress set, bedding, lamps, nightstand, blah, blah, blah, and all we needed was to clear the room and I could begin the transformation. 

Back when four men contemplated, calculated, removed legs, removed doors, and maneuvered every which way to get that sleeper sofa in through the awkward angle of that room and still damaged the door frame, we vowed that when it was time for it to come out that we'd just saw the thing up........and so, we did.  It was over 10 years old and having been wallowed on by kids/teens for over a decade, we felt that it deserved to be euthanized.  It had suffered.  In the silence of the moment, we thought we could hear it pleading to be put out of its misery.......with its crumbs, wrappers, bobby pins, loose change, Legos, gummy bears, and all manner of childhood funk embedded within its crevices.  We don't even want to know what a swab test would've revealed, so we made the tough decision.       

Davis unscrewed the bed mechanism from the sofa frame and then came the crow bar and the saw and, piece by piece, the once lovely sofa was dismantled.  He knew it would be a day or two before he could haul it off, so he just piled it up in our backyard.  We decided to go with the backyard as opposed to the front, because, well, we're just fancy like that....and, you know, we have those cool neighbors across the street and all. 

Coincidentally, they were outside with their kids in their front yard, wearing sweater vests, driving moccasins with no socks, putting golf balls, and practicing their chip shots.  It looked like the country club over there.....or maybe a magazine ad.....I don't know which.  Meanwhile, on this side of the street, Fred Sanford is bringing out our mangled couch, limb by limb, with big hunks of foam dangling from it.  He made a large pile of sofa debris and, oh, did it look lovely.  If only Southern Living had been in the area.  I hear they're partial to lawns featuring old, upholstered furniture.  Listen, we were just a junk car and an old refrigerator shy of an emergency HOA meeting.  But, Davis assured me that it would only be there for a short time and then he'd haul it off for proper disposal.

Well, a couple of days later, Davis loaded the unsightly furniture carnage onto his truck with all manner of rope and straps for security.
There was only one problem......getting it out of the neighborhood.  I mean.....it was such a grizzly scene of furniture butchery.  And you can't really dump large household items in the nighttime hours under the cover of darkness, which was really unfortunate in this case, so Fred and his son, Lamont, just hopped in the truck and made a run for it. 

Down the driveway, right past the "country club", and to the end of the street, they went.....leaving all the neighbors to think........

"Dang.  Those Millers........they sure are hard on their furniture." 

Oh, well.

If you need a place to stay, though, we've got a room for ya......close to the golf course, too. 

Happy Hump Day, y'all! 



  1. Thanks for my morning laugh! We have had similar moments in our household, too! Having front yard garbage and trash pickup has exposed way too many of our "behind closed doors" discards! We just smile and try not to make eye contact with the neighbors until pickup day! Hilarious as always, Joni!

    1. Hahahaha!!!! I love this, Jeejee! Yeah, just keep your head down and look at the ground. You should try living across from the" country club".....it's especially hard. :)

  2. We have bulk trash 4 times a year. My neighbor had a couch on their front porch for awhile and I was counting the weeks until pick up. Then I thought, well maybe they want it there:( But! Put it to the curb to be taken away in bulkland:) Those hide a beds are crazy heavy! Kathleen in Az

    1. I wish we had scheduled bulk trash pickup! Oh, well. We did have the social graces not to put it on the front porch, Kathleen! Hopefully, your neighbor's eyesore is gone by now!