Thursday, April 17, 2014

Getting to the Bottom of It

Ok....just so you know, this post may not be quite as thought provoking as the last, but still...  I mean....I like to mix it up here on my little blog. 

So, a couple of days ago, something bit me.  Big deal, you say.  Well, normally it wouldn't be a big deal, but it has swelled and itched like crazy!!!  I have no earthly idea what is was, but all I know is that I have never, I repeat, never had anything itch like this.  Yesterday at work, I determined that it wasn't getting much better, so when I got home, I decided I better try to get a good look at it and see if I could tell if it was a bug bite, poison ivy, or something else. 

Getting a close look.....well, therein lies the problem.  You see....well, how can I say this in the most delicate way possible?  The bug or whatever has bitten me on my derrière.....or you know, back there where your leg and your derrière meet up.  I feel sure that is the most tactful way that a southern woman could describe the problem...using the French term and all.  I have always felt that words with accent marks are just a bit more fancy and proper than, say, words without accent marks.....even if the word refers to your backside.  I'm sure my mother has passed out and fallen backwards out of her chair, though, given that I have written about this on the world wide web.  She is the primmest and proper-est of all the southern magnolias.

Anyway, after a few attempts to get a look at the offending area in the mirror, I decided that I just couldn't get turned around enough to get a good view, not even with a mirror. I decided that I needed to get resourceful.  I took my iPhone and turned that thing on selfie mode and snapped 4 or 5 pictures of the mysterious bite and was then able to zoom in on it and see what it looked like.  There I was, in the bathroom, in front of a mirror, snapping pictures of my backside.  I felt like a really old, but more level headed version of Miley Cyrus.  All I could think was, "Please, Lord, don't let this be one of those rotting spider bites or anything that will require seeing doctors with big, bright lights".  I mean I would like a little more room in my Easter dress, but not by way of rotting flesh.  And here I am on the downhill slide of my Doctor Tour 2014 and I sure don't want to be adding any more stops to that list.  

After I examined the pictures, I was careful to promptly delete them as I so didn't want to accidently send one of those to Davis at work, causing him to wreck trying to rush home thinking I was getting fresh.  And certainly, I didn't want to inadvertently select the wrong picture on my camera roll while attempting to post a picture of Carson's baseball game and end up with my backside on Facebook with the caption, "So proud of you".  Anyway, I was almost certain it was a bug bite and not poison ivy, but I needed a second opinion to be sure.

About that time, Davis came in the door from work.  Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding......I think we have a winner.  "Umm, Davis, I need you to look at something for me", I greeted.   I got our brightest of flashlights out of the closet and explained the problem.  He studied it carefully and with all zero of his years in medical school, concluded that I do, indeed, have some type of nasty bug bite back there.  Davis was very professional.....I dare say a  Marcus Welby MD level of professionalism. 

So, anyway, we wait to see if rotting or gangrene sets in or if I lose feeling in it or if red streaks appear....or if I have to have anything amputated.   

Only time will tell.      


  1. Delurking to say this post made me laugh out loud - not at you getting bit, but at how you describe it. The comment "so proud of you" almost made me fall out of my chair!

  2. Thanks, Stevie Glad I could give you a chuckle. :)

  3. Bahaha! Hilarious. I read a whole lot of blogs, saving the best for last, and you're right there with Boomama and Big Mama whom I've read for years.

  4. Bethany, I am flattered to be in the company of the "Mamas"! I really appreciate the encouragement. :)